Until the next time

As you may (or may not) have noticed, I haven't written in a while. From Jamaica, to coming home and realising I had to move to launching Gem Stone Love, and trying to get to grips with what is and isn't happening in my day job - I just haven't had the time.

I have been keeping up on my hair regime and I'm still making things left right and centre - most recent addition being a pomade with beeswax.

But unfortunately I'm going to have to leave blogging alone for a little while :( :( :(

I'll still be around but it will be in full Gem Stone Love capacity - you can catch me at any of the places below explaining it all like my name is Clarissa or something.

I really appreciated everyone who read and Google+ posts and I'm hoping you'll stay in touch and follow me on my new journey. This blog is staying open as there may just be room for me to return later. But until the next time...

www.gemstonelove.co.uk
Instagram @gemstonelondon
Twitter @gemstonelondon
www.facebook.com/gemstoneloveuk

29 ish

Not going to lie to you, this week was hard. Almost like as if the world knew I was trying to get to the next level in my own personal and psychological development and it just kept saying "are you sure, how about this?" Like walking on stilts while the ground is shaking, I strode.

I'm genuinely proud of myself, every single day there was something new and ridiculous for me to breathe about and then handle like a woman. And I blinking did, every last damn one of those things. All the way from a near technical calamity to untimely delays with the business, to just the most annoying and time consuming irritancies to deal with in the day job, to the emotional turmoil of having to actively not deal with a friend who is struggling because you know your 'help' makes them worse, makes them dependent, lets them continue being submissively controlling,  and makes you not reach as far or as fast for what you want in you're life because you're afraid you won't be around to be a 'good friend' to them.

I did it all, I dealt with it all and I am so thankful. And I am so scared. Everything I do from this point onwards is to make room for the life I want. I couldn't go back to how things used to be even if I tried. There's a peaceful surrender in that, now all I need to do is work on the new normal. And even then 'work' seems like too strong of a word. It feels like the new normal exists and I just need to accept and relax into it.

Like yesterday, it was my 30th birthday party, which is 2 weeks before my actual birthday but I'll be on holiday so only right I celebrate with everyone now. It was great. I laughed a lot. I saw and had fun with really good people, I'm very thankful I have the friends and family I do.

I am 29 ish and I have only just begun.

My next post(s) will be from a different continent. See you then.

These books are helping

I'm glad I'm reading / listening to the books I am. They pretty much fall into two counts, business or personal growth. When I have a good list I'll post it here as there are some goodies I'm looking forward to in July.

And weirdly when I listen to books I like to listen to them twice through. Means I get all of the information, I also play them faster than their standard speed so that 8 hours goes slightly quicker throughout the week. Maximising that time!

One of the things the books have told me is that whatever I thought my initial spend would be - treble it. In my case treble plus a bit. And it's not just because of the website, but I was getting that little whisper at the back of my mind about the stock.

I bought the original stock I did (keyrings) because everyone has keys, and if the supplier turned out to be dodgy, then I love keyings and I have presents to give for a few years. The original plan for Gem Stone Love was to quietly sell them from ebay and Amazon and get a little pocket money, but things changed.

I don't mean it had a runaway scope, things really changed, all of a sudden I realised how much it could align with my life values and the ways it could expand into a holistic living hub. And so I started building everything else around the holistic living hub mindset, which is fantastic and feels so right. It was only last week during my marathon phone call with my friend that I realised I needed to widen my stock pool. The stock I had didn't synergise with my overall offering.

I didn't go out and spend several thousand pounds, but I did get a couple of items of jewellery and most importantly Tumblestones. Tumblestones are where everyone starts on their crystal discovery and I was only selling them in keyring form. That didn't sit with me. I only told my marathon phone friend that I was buying more stock because I knew no one else would understand, and even she was mildly disconcerted at the overall amount I've spent now.

I'm glad I listened to myself. The website is very nearly ready, I'll just have to do the usual neatening and choosing what to display for the launch, but I'm excited. Exactly one month until the launch and my baby is born - it does feel like my baby - yes I know, I don't have children and yes you can laugh.

Hair oil change

So I decided that Cocoa Butter in hair oil is not for me. I don't know if it's the fine hair or what but my hair was just consistently fluffy for about a month, see Fluffy hair post

So I decided to take the plunge and add Rosewood to my hair oil mix. It effects my hair in a protein/ACV way so strongly that I was a little scared that it would be too much to include it in the oil - even though I included just 1 drop.

That 1 drop saved me. I could put my flexi rods in and have shiny defined curls even with my tiny tightly curled routes fighting for attention.

My relaxer is on Thursday (9 week stretch) I've been living in one lobster clasp at the back with curls exploding from the top and the front. It's working for me even if it is a little 90's. I'm turning 30 in a very short period of time so it's safe to say it will be difficult to age me from all sides anyway- heeeeyyyyy.

Hair oil mix below - if you try it let me know how it goes. I think the Avocado is helping me as well because I can put this mix straight in my damp hair and it just helps so much with the detangling.

• 15g Mango Butter
• 45g Coconut Oil
• 12ml Olive Oil
• 7ml Jojoba
• 5ml Vitamin E
• 1ml Avocado oil
• Essiantial oils -
• 1 x Rosewood
• 3 x Rosemary
• 2 x Calendula
• 3 x Lavender
• 1 x Frankincense

Holistic living

Wow. How many times do I have to learn? Forever I think is the right number.

I know that when your mind is right your life is right. I know that the key to everything, the beginning of everything is mindset, mindfulness, mind body and spirit.

I know this. Not just because I have read it, but because I have lived it. When I am aligned, there is no feeling like it, it feels like as if people are purposefully going out of their way to please me. Like I am the luckiest person in the world. I'm not messing around, that is what it feels like, I feel light and golden, and full and flowing. The words just aren't good enough.

Unfortunately, when I'm not aligned, when I haven't done the necessary, which most feel is the nice to have, I am so out of whack. I ache, I'm confused, I don't get enough sleep or good quality sleep, I'm unnecessarily bitchy, I itch, I literally itch when I'm tired or irritated, always have.

Knowing what I know, how do I forget this? Because it's easy to, most of the people in the world, the country, the city, don't live like that. I am the weird one for living like I do, for thinking like I do, I am unusual - but I'm not alone. I'm not the only one who understands the benefits and necessity of living holistically, but finding those people isn't as easy as it sounds. This work, is hard to do on it's own, and you want help and you want support but you know want - you can't have someone wake up with you every day and force you to meditate and do yoga, you have to do it off of your own back.

You have to rewire your brain that is lazy and likes the patterns that it has set over years, and that is exactly the same as everyone else's. you have to change the programming yourself to get the different results. It is not easy but it's worth it, you can't fight for it either though - what I think it's about is surrendering to that truth, relaxing into a different way of living. It's not laziness, but it is letting go. It's not non activity - it's about directed and productive activity. Even play time is productive, you need to play in order to help reset your brain and release some good chemical's it's all about balance and harmony, and whatever that means to you is what it means to you. No one else is living your life for you, they can't tell you what good should look like.

I spoke to my friend in Australia today, I had presumed it would be a 1 hour video call. 3 and a bit hours later... Thank you honey, I missed you. It was good to talk and just be entirely honest about what's whirling around my mind with someone knowing that even though you don't agree on everything, she understands the position I am coming from and will just let me speak and vice versa.

Same goes with this open journal you lovely people are reading. I started this because I didn't feel like I could speak openly about what was in my mind. And funnily enough, things have been harder than usual recently because I haven't been writing on here, I didn't get things off of my mind.

I have been writing, been preparing my blogs for Gem Stone Love, which is launching on 17th July. Time has not been wasted, but I haven't been as balanced as I know I could have been.

Thank you friends beyond the binary.

Neem oil and eczema

So I have eczema, and for the last 2 years or so I've been working my way through how to heal it naturally. I had some other dermatitis infection on my ankles as well, went to the doctor and true to form they said just use Hydrocortisone cream but I have to use it for the full 7 days.

I've never used it for the full 7 days because after day 2 it starts to burn, I could feel the sting was not a 'healing stinging sensation' but a chemical burning sensation. But I was really bothered by all the fuss down by my ankles so I said fine I'll just stick it out and use it for the full time. I got to 5 days and my skin was officially burnt. It looked horrible like I survived a fire.

I had no idea how to deal with this and my instant reaction was to scrub it away, which of course then set off a chain reaction of displaying bare sensitive skin, which still itched, and I scratched, which caused a further infection and spread.

I am not comfortable sharing this information. I'm not a child, I know I should know better. But I panicked and was, if I'm honest more concerned about how it looked rather than how to heal it. Which meant I treated it enough to not look messed up if I was going out, but didn't focus on the healing it for good so that it doesn't permanently scar my skin. This society and the need to look good will mess up your priorities like no ones business.

My ankle status at the moment is mostly hyperpigmentation which is fine. One patch of wet eczema with two smaller patches on both ankles. One patch of dry eczema on the other ankle which is so close to healed but likes to remind me it's there every now and again. I am healing the wet eczema with neem oil after multiple attempts and impatience at everything else. I got so frustrated and was researching online about what to buy to fix it already! And then I just heard the little more calmer me say "you already have everything you need" and then I remembered Neem. Neem oil is what I put into my water mix creams to ward off bacteria, and I only use the smallest amount because that stuff is strong and smells wicked (the original meaning of the word, not the cool version).

So I mixed up some neem with Jojoba and resisted the temptation to top it up with an essential oil. And you know what, it's only been a couple of days but I can really see/feel that it's doing the deep healing work. Yes my ankle looks like a right state, and I will be hiding it away other than when I'm indoors, but I swear I'm looking at it now and I know it's doing the work that needs to be done. It will take time and there will be hyperpigmentation, but I've already got my hyperpigmentation oil worked out which is as we speak happily and healthily getting rid of my older scars.

I don't think I ever really took eczema seriously, I only developed it about 6 years ago when I was going through a ridiculously stressful time at my old job (it was just one of other stress induced conditions). My niece has eczema quite thoroughly and has done since birth, her mum has done all the research about the foods to cut out and what causes it, I just never did that. Whilst it was brought on by stress, I am a person with allergies and probably should have just acknowledged it for what it was sooner rather than just pretending it will go away and never come back. This like with everything else, I need to find a balance with.

Wish I had just put my health before my looks sooner. Check out http://www.flawlessprogram.com/how-to-get-rid-of-weeping-eczema/ was really helpful to me.

Fluffy hair

As with all knowings in life, your hair will whisper to you, then it will nudge you, then it will hold you by the face and shout at you.

So I've been busy, thus the radio silence, I really hadn't realised it had been so long since I'd written.

I haven't worn my hair straight down since maybe November time, due to our delightfully ever-changing weather, it's just 2 flat twists, and undo it and put a grip in it in the morning. I'm 7 weeks post now so it is more like 3 big canerows and undo it with a grip in the morning.

But the fluffiness! In my busy-ness I just couldn't get why even though my hair was well moisturised and oiled, it still came out fluffy in the morning making the curls look very undefined and undignified too while I'm at it. I know how I wish to present myself and quite frankly I left the flat looking frazzled in the morning.

So you know, if you've done moisture and there's no change then do protein - I did protein spray's and... nothing, or very little movement. It took maybe 2 weeks for me to realise I hadn't done a deep protein treatment - which with the Jason thin to thick on my hair is about 10 minutes MAXIMUM.

So I mixed it in with my Jason Aloe Vera conditioner in my co-wash this week after netball, and that really did the trick. But why did it take me so long to realise what was up with my hair?

Because I was busy, and getting lost in busy-ness not to be confused with business. When I stray from my routine, when I get wrapped up in social media and news because of the election. My mind loses it's usual ability to process the simple things.

The routine that I have that works isn't even that hardcore regimented, there's lots of room for flexibility but as with all aspects of life, you have to acknowledge the addictions you have and how much control they have over you, even down to the basic things like taking care of your hair. It may not seem like a straight swap "If I watch another hour of tv I won't do my hair tonight" but seriously I know this and I'm re-teaching myself everyday. Too much of some of the unnecessary stuff just teaches your mind how to not think. Eventually you just won't think about you at all.

Shampoo-less regime

About a month ago or so, I over moisturised my hair. I thought I'd use that mess up as a good excuse to try the shampoo-less regime so as to lesson the amount of water interaction my hair had.

This is where you only wash your hair with conditioner either 100% of your wash days or most of them. My usual regime was, shampoo and deep con on a sunday (with a oil prepoo in the second half of my stretch), and a co wash on a Wednesday. I changed this to full shampoo and deep con every 2 weeks, and the rest of the time just conditioner.

In summary - it didn't work out for me. It might just be because I've got fine hair or that it's relaxed, but it just wasn't having it.

It's definitely quicker, and at first  your hair definitely doesn't feel like it needs a day to bounce back after the wash, but over the weeks it does build up - even with the shampoo every two weeks.

I also use natural shampoo and conditioner so that may have played a part in why it all built up on me. I just wasn't expecting it as I rarely put silicone in my hair and if I do it's neat so I can see the exact amount.

But, on Saturday, having done this for about 5 weeks, my hair just wasn't playing ball. I put the leave in in which is primarily water, and it just couldn't get to the strands. So yes, my hair had build up and yet my scalp was so dry, every day I felt like I had to put more and more water on.

Really pleased I did it though, as at least I know I can go without shampoo for a week if I needed to.

I have now at this late stage in my life, made a firm decision to use one set of shampoo and conditioner at the beginning of the stretch and a different one at the end. I for some really weird reason, was only using that second set when my hair became too tough to handle, rather than using it as prevention so that it wouldn't become too difficult to handle. Perspective and hindsight.

Beginning of the stretch shampoo and conditioner

Ending 4 weeks of the stretch shampoo and conditioner - Rosemary

I was scared today

For those of you who haven't realised already, I'm a hippy. I actually prefer the title mini hippy, but hippy nonetheless.

I believe in the law of attraction and the power of our own minds. I believe we are all essentially the same at our core, even if our actions betray that fact. I believe in healthy selfishness because you can't give from an empty cup, and depleting yourself does nothing to aid the collective. My belief has helped me tremendously with past traumas and self development.

With all of the new things I'm doing, I've had to get strong with affirmations, and firmly keep my mouth shut when I want to repeat old ways and surreptitiously beg for approval or permission in my endeavours. I have been paying attention to my emotions, and listening to my body when something does or doesn't feel right and it has gotten me so far I couldn't be more thankful if I tried.

When this whole thing (Happy Empire/Relaxed in London) began in February ish. I had to make the decision to not read certain posts and turn off the radio when it got too painful. It was the whole Trump thing. It was everywhere and people were so scared for months, it just didn't stop. It was really getting to me. So I limited my access to social media and stopped looking at anything at all for a week and really helped.

Keeping an eye on your emotions and subsequent stray thoughts can seem like a full time job, but you become so much more sensitive to it as time goes on.

The past 2 weeks have been exceptionally busy, primarily with the day job. I even had one of those random 4 day colds where you get one symptom that lasts for 6 hours before the next one comes along. I haven't worked on Gem Stone Love this week at all really other than to confirm my logo. But I was tired, and I was down, and then I woke up on Tuesday morning to the news that we suffered another attack, this time in Manchester.

It hit me hard, there was so many babies, probably at their first concert, up till that point the best day of their lives. Some are gone, and the others still with us are in pain. It will reverberate for a while and you have no idea how the effects of that night will show up on those children's lives as they grow to be adults. I was sickened.

Life for me had to go on though, so I meditated and kept them in my heart and had to go on about my week. I used my beliefs as always to help me, but I didn't do so well. With the tiredness and the ridiculous workload as well, my defences just weren't cutting it. I was listening to the radio, watching the video's, staying up step with the several scares after that night. And today about lunch time I realised I was scared.

I take public transport to go home, I go through 2 major stations and have seen the ramp up in police presence. I was scared. And I was shocked to realise I was. But I'm glad I admitted it to myself because then I could deal with it. I got myself a treat, walked in the sunshine, listened to several hours of Katt Williams stand up, and forced myself to find some really good things that had happened this week.

And maybe most importantly, went back to the basis of mindfulness - my version of it anyway, I went deep. By deep I mean I literally say what I am doing as I'm doing it, as it's the fastest and most immediate way to stop my mind from spinning. For example, I am walking to the bathroom, I lay down the toilet paper on the seat, I unzip my shorts, I am assuming the position, I feel relieved, I wipe, I stand, I redress, I flush, I wash hands, I dry hands, I smile at myself in the mirror.

I hope other people have/will find there way to get through this again. My heart as always goes out to the loves who were left behind with a hole that can't be filled. The only positive thing to come out of an incident that addresses mortality is that it should remind you that you too have a time. So in the time that you have, don't waste it worrying, being someone you're not, just waiting to live. I won't be. I'm going to live, and I'll bloody well enjoy it too.

The gripped ponytail - handle with care

I used to live in ponytails. Back in the day when I was still very unconfident about my hair, and had no idea how to style or take care of it. Everyone either had longer looser curled hair that was much easier to just fling in one, or wore weaves, so I didn't have much variety to get ideas from.

So when it came to any kind of 'going out out' the decision for how to do my hair was "which ponytail to put on?" Not how do I style it. I had quite a range, and I always wore them well. I wore them well, my hair line did not. My hair line was not a fan of ponytails. The ends of my hair that I put in a strangle hold hair band was not a fan of the ponytails.

I could get quite obviously why my hair line suffered. But I didn't know what to do about the ends of my hair - I was young and not nearly as well read on the subject as I am now. The ends of my hair suffered because I was tucking them in after the forth tie around. I also didn't realise the importance of making sure the hair I was putting under stress - where the band met the hair, should be even more cared for. Because it wasn't seen, I didn't think I needed to do anything with it.

Yesterday I went to an amazing fancy dress party as Uhura from Star Trek. I have exactly 1 ponytail in my possession that I've only worn 3 times in 3 years, 2 of those at fancy dress (first one was catwoman - I looked fantastic and it had nothing to do with the hair...).

This time though, I have learnt, thoroughly what I'm supposed to be doing when I use a ponytail. I made sure to soften up and massage my scalp all over, paying particular attention to my temples. I dampened my whole head with my leave in conditioner, not dripping, but enough for you to feel it. Then I worked on the banded area, re moisturising that section and my natural ponytail to the end. I added just a spray of protein, and sealed my whole head of hair. Adding a little extra oil to the banded area and ends. I also put oil on the hair band for good measure.

I left the ends out, rather than tucking them in and put my gripped pony tail on as usual. When I took it off last night (this morning) I quickly loosened the band, and added a touch more water and oil to the banded area, ends and temple (with a quick massage to the temple as I could feel the pull even though I was careful). Then wrapped my head and somehow managed to sleep while the younger ones were still enjoying drunken karaoke in the living room.

This morning, a touch more water and oil to the hair in general and my hair is fine. Once upon a time, my hair after a ponytail night felt like straw. Not any more.

The last 7 days

Have been a whirlwind. Seriously, every morning I woke up thinking. What day is it? Why is it this day? How is it not Saturday yet?

It wasn't a bad week it was actually a very productive week. This is what I did.

• Bought my birthday dress
• Drew my wireframe for my website
• Took pictures of all my stock - surprisingly exhausting
• Created a stock index, and all of my bookkeeping excels
• Sent my first stock item to a friend who loved wuvved it

• Decided that I couldn't build the website to the standards I envisioned and sent out a work order
• Created an Instagram account (yes I never actually had one)
• Interviewed several web designers to see who fits
• Got thrashed at netball
• Paid for my birthday booking which is being entirely organised by my friend so literally don't have to think about it again for weeks
• Decided on a web designer one who I am very happy with
• Listened in to a webinar where I realised my Chartership will be even harder to get if not near impossible. Figures but I don't feel like it's gone, so I will continue as planned until I feel certain of otherwise
• Got a free lift to the station from a neighbour whom I had never met previously
• Got some great feedback for a piece of work I did in the day job
• Tried on my dress - see this blog post
• Got lovely feedback from my friend about this very blog, she didn't know it was me until she realised it sounded like me talking
• Asked for a partial refund from my original diy web team and got a full one
• Registered my company with HMRC
• Opened a business bank account
• Wrote 3 blog posts
• Got through several pages of Abundance now
• Made a start on writing copy for my website

And now back to the day job, and to think I chose this life.

Follow me if you'd like Instagram @gemstonelondon   Twitter @gemstonelondon

Over moisturising

It is possible to over moisturise black hair. I've done it before and like a fool I did it again.

About 2 weeks ago my hair was perfectly protein and moisture balanced, had I paid attention to this I would have taken note and realised that I should have used a little moisturising conditioner and a little protein conditioner as I don't have any premixes.

I didn't and it left my hair feeling gummy and was way over-stretchy. It's ok now though, due to a adding protein, every night and really taking time with my hair - I got over it without too much breakage.

And now I can do the baggying again - why do I love this so much? It's nuts but it works, putting that moisture on and sealing it in to steam with my shower cap works wonders for making my hair soft. Then I put the protein in right before I seal.

In fact when my hair was balanced a few weeks ago, I left the baggy on with a durag to slow air dry it. Usually I put a bit of oil on the ends to stop frizzing but I just didn't need to at all. Will have to remember that.

Here's to the shower cap!

Self worth

This week was a busy one, I'll go into it on Monday's blog.

My friend whom I've known for nearly half of my life is planning my 30th birthday party. I've invited everyone I like and am close to in one way or another.

My birthday has always been special for me, mostly due to the fact that I taught myself to purposefully celebrate it. Growing up it there was cake and cards but no real joy on my birthday, it was necessary. {thus why I'm writing a book, although it's not about them, it's about me}.

The only full birthday party I can remember having was when I was 11 and invited nearly everyone in my class.
As an adult I have separate mini celebrations with my loves, lunches, dinners, movie nights, and beach visits. This year I'm going to Jamaica, been in the planning for years and I have 2 friends coming with me.

Top left is me, top right (younger filter), bottom left (old filter), bottom right (man filter). Just for giggles lol

The party is taking place before I go away, we'll be in lovely Tiki huts outside (crossing fingers for good weather). I'm expecting about 20 people to eat and the rest will be coming and going as they please.

This is a big deal, I've never had everyone in one place before, and frantically started looking for an outfit to make me look and feel fabulous. Having selected the dress and it being delivered, I tried it on at work so that my friend could see. She approved heartily, I took it home to see for myself as I had no mirror in my work boardroom, but I was so busy I didn't get to see it on myself for a week.

A tried it on and looked in the mirror. And was pleasantly surprised, I looked beautiful and relaxed, and  more than a little bit luxurious. I was happy. The moment I realised how stunning but simple the dress itself was though I started having thoughts like "maybe it's a bit over the top? I'll only be eating and drinking in it. It's going to draw way too much attention. Maybe I should just get a quieter dress"

I wanted to hide.

I haven't felt that feeling in a long long time. I'm an extravert that grew up introverted thanks to my surroundings. Think of the reverse, forcing an introvert into the centre of a room to sing and dance.
Years it took me to brush all of that muck and psychological abuse off my shoulders, and yet my birthday weeks (I celebrate over the whole summer) is the one time where if I have what would be a normally stressful / bad day, there it is - the ability to make me feel small, unloved, a problem, something to be hidden.

No one is treating me like that anymore, I made sure of it. But I have a memory, and whilst I don't purposefully think about those times, they were apart of my life so my brain will function exactly like everyone else's does and plays SNAP - you remember this? or how about this?.

I'm wearing the dress. Or something similar as it is quite warm so I don't want to boil myself on a Saturday afternoon. The blessing with that moment looking in the mirror is that it didn't last long, maybe 1 or 2 minutes. And I realised for the thousandth time just how far I had come. How rare those moments are, how quickly they dissipate under the strength of my recovered character and integrity.

I have been going through the process of becoming a whole person for 8 years. I think I could officially call myself an adult about 2 years ago. I love being me, just the other day I was saying to my friend if I had £1,200 (precise I know) I could just give all of my clothes to charity because they don't feel like me. I wear them because I bought them, and I don't buy clothes regularly because I find the process distressing, long limbs, big boobs, no arse, broad shoulders.

I wonder if it was distressing because I was buying the wrong clothes? Acceptable clothes, normal clothes. I'll make a promise to myself to buy only MY clothes from now on.

Grey Hair

Apparently no one knows why we get grey hair or more accurately, why we stop producing the melanin that gives hair it's colour.

The old wives tale of it being related to stress has yet to be proven. I can fully believe however that a stressed individual will possibly be exhibiting behaviours that aren't conducive to 'normal' hair growth like not eating well, smoking etc. But the idea that it's a direct link still is a bit far for me. Primarily because I have grey hair.

I've counted a grand total of 5 'white' hairs. One really long mama, one about an inch, and the rest are in my temple hair. All of which are in the same front left quadrant of my head. Friends can't see anything from the back. When I first told my niece (same age as me) that I had them about a year ago just casually in conversation, she was stunned and thought I must be super stressed. I'm not, and I wasn't. If my hair colour was directly related to my stress levels I would have had a full head of white hair when I was 21.

Biologically, my fathers side all had grey hair in a front quadrant from what I imagine was a relatively young age, 40 ish. My issue is, when should we actually expect to get grey hair? Does anyone even no anymore? I had a couple of grey hairs coming and going since I was about 16. I've never dyed my hair, but a lot of young girls do obviously. Could more people be getting grey hair in their 20's and we just don't know because we artificially change our hair in one way or another all the time?

There was a lady on the train with her son yesterday, she must have been 37 at a high push. She had a good inch of grey roots showing against dyed brown hair. And I thought, lets just say she's a normal every day person who is relatively healthy, if she really has gone fully grey, are most people grey? Or at least is it much more common at a much earlier age than we actually know?

As far as I know it doesn't seem to be a problem for men, they look distinguished as they get older. I don't know what men think of women with grey hair, surely if your face and your general mannerisms still reflect your age (or the age you feel), how much of a big deal is it? And also how you wear your hair as well. My white hairs are still good quality hairs so my hair styles still rock, is it that some people's grey hair loses it's manageability or is it that people give up caring for their hair in the same way once it goes grey? thus then making you old (the rusty dusty kind not my granny still looks amazing in her church dress and wig kind).

I have a lot of questions as you can tell. I don't know if I'll ever get answers for them. I've never been drawn to dying my hair and it doesn't entice me now, always a possibility that could change in the future but I like to think it won't, mostly because I don't know if my fine hair can take a relaxer as well as hair dye.

Also it isn't lost on me that age and aging keeps popping in my head with my milestone birthday coming up. I like to think as long as people keep getting my age wrong in both directions, I'm probably doing ok.

Mrs K's Eczema cream

I was so happy when my friend said that her mum wanted me to make more of this for her.

I do do my research but I am not trained in any certified sense so to know that this worked for her felt amazing. She had bad eczema on her ears for as long as she could remember, it was so dry her ears were constantly cracking and bleeding. She never were her hair down and had tried every prescribed cream and ointment she could get. She lives in New York so I imagine they have much more available for cosmetic help than we do. Her eczema is also much worse than anything I have, so making something cosmetically medicinal for someone else was a challenge.

This she said was the only thing that worked. She's now left with pink ears, no cracking no bleeding. Applied at night mostly as it's oily, this little pot lasted her 4 months. She'll be coming to the UK soon so I will be making her some more fresh from the pot then ❤

50 ml tub

• 2g Beeswax
• 11g Aloe Butter
• 12g Coconut oil (virgin obvs)
• 5g Vitamin E oil
• 13g Jojoba oil
• 2 drop Lavender Essential Oil
• 1 drop Cedarwood EO
• 1 drop Rose EO

Unfortunately she didn't take a before and after picture, my friend just gets to see live progress over Skype and reports back to me. She has asked if it's possible to make it slightly less oily next time, but doesn't want me to sacrifice any of the good stuff that makes it work. I would like to put in some Cyclomethicone but she's so sensitive I'm not even sure if that will work out. Maybe I'll just swap the Jojoba out for Avocado oil as it's drier. I'll figure it out I'm sure.

PS. If you have any questions about this stuff or just want to pick my brain, just write in the comments, I'll reply.

Charley x

Retract to expand

Feeling good with this latest realisation. As you know I embarked on a number of different projects after I got out of my funk at the beginning of the year. Enough projects to make sure I have no idea how to do them all and therefore stops me obsessing entirely about any single one.

Now it seems I have gotten to a relatively stable point where I can with good faith and no sense of remorse shelve some. I've put 3 of the original 8 projects on hold, swapped some and added others. I'm glad it all happened this way though. I very much believe that if I didn't have all of these ideas, they wouldn't have lead me to the other projects that would stick right now. I'm really grateful for them giving me a new perspective from where I stood, because all of these things didn't come into my head at once, it was drip drip drip. And I ran with all of them, what did I have to lose.

So now I'm left with the following that make up the happy empire

• Relaxed in London blog (all 3 pages)
• Writing the book - The book, the one people have been nudging me to write since I was 21
• Chartership - becoming a Chartered Project Manager, I shiver with the wonderfulness of it all
• Gem Stone Love - the baby project that some how took over my every waking thought - it's a good thing I have other things to do. But this will pun intended - be the gem in the empire
• Stakeholder Management - reading the book. Really interesting actually, you would imagine it to be as boring as dishwater but the writer has a lovely tone and lightness to it all thank goodness. This also counts towards my continual personal development hours for the chartership as well so win win.
• Volunteering with the Association for Project Management, will again help with the chartership, hopefully just surrounding myself in the community will help to inspire me and keep me going
• 'Flow' maintenance. Books / podcasts / audiobooks to help me on my way and keep me on track. The current 'Flow' is Abundance Now by Lisa Nichols. / Yoga mindfulness and comedy podcasts / Search inside yourself by Chade-Meng Tan audiobook.

And I still work 40 hours a week, with a minimum of 15 hours travelling time. I promise I am of sound mind and body, that's what the 'Flow' part is all about after all.  I also have to prepare for my 2 week holiday in July - it really isn't as far away as you might think, I got my injections done just last week, and now my beautiful friend whilst on medication offered to organise my 30th birthday celebration. Seeing as I'll actually be on holiday when the day comes.

I'm busy, but it feels so good. I got back to work this week after my week off feeling genuinely refreshed; I was working on the empire every day, every single day. It may not have been a full 8 hours chained to my laptop and a pack of wotsits. But I wasn't on holiday somewhere, I was working, on me and for me and it felt good, really really good. Especially when I compare it to the days of not so long ago where if I wasn't out with friends, I was watching tv or reading. None of those things are bad but I watched far too much tv for someone who had all of these dreams and wants. And I never went back to work feeling refreshed after the tv marathon, I'd just feel tired, and bored.

This week at work was so busy my line manager pulled me aside before I could get to my emails on Monday to warn me that my diary is likely to change. How sweet is that? and change it did, drastically and for the next 3 months, just like that. And with all of that, I was still pining after doing my empire work. Because it doesn't tire me, and weirdly having that not tire makes work not as tiring either. Something profound and psychological in there I'm sure.

It's not to say I don't do all of what people think of as fun anymore, I still watch tv, but maybe only 2 episodes a week (drastic for some people I'm aware) but I just really focused on the tv that actually gave me something and added to my life, and none of it is educational btw. I still read obviously, and I still see my friends. I even feel more flexible now in seeing my friends because I don't feel so exhausted after work in the week. There is time for everything, and really I should know, I'm inefficiency's arch nemesis after all.

DIY Hair oil

Probably the concoction I'm most proud of making. It kind of developed over time.
I started using Coconut oil as my sealer after reading all of the hype about it. Understandable hype as it turns out.

I, being the impatient person I was / am didn't wait the whole 10 seconds for the oil to melt in my hands before applying it to my hair, which meant I nearly always put too much or too little in, or rubbed the oil into my hair forcefully like a grizzly bear scratching it's back against a tree.

So I made a mixture with jojoba oil, then with jojoba and vitamin e, then with avocado, the list goes on. Eventually, when I started experimenting with body cream, I got my hands on some mango butter which is weirdly dry. When I mixed that into the sealer I knew I got it right. One of my biggest aims was that my hair still feel touchable, I have never been a fan of the greasy head feeling, especially as I have fine hair so too much just weighs me down. The mango butter took the worry out of it.

As time went by I found the right balance, I still experiment with the liquid oils and essential oil amounts and choices. But the core elements of Mango Butter, Coconut oil and Vitamin E have stayed the same.

Ingredients

• 15g Mango Butter
• 45g Coconut oil
• 5g Vitamin E
• 12g Olive oil
• 7g Jojoba oil
• 1g Cocoa butter - first time using this in the sealer, was Lanolin
• 3 x Rosemary EO
• 2 x Calendula
• 3 x Lavender
• 2 x Vetiver
• Whisk, tissue, baby wipes, pyrex

Put everything except the jojoba and essential oils in the pyrex and double boiler, heat and stir until the mango butter is completely melted. Wait for it to cool until it is murky like Vaseline.

Whisk and use the spatula to get any oil from the bottom. Add the essential oils until you get a nice smooth mix. It lasts me about 6 weeks or so.

Natural (mostly) body lotion

La body lotion. I have had words with and against this process. I started off with a strange aloe vera oil mix which was weirdly moisturising, but it was in the days when I had no idea about preservatives and emulsifiers.

Recently I got annoyed when I saw my lotion was running low (first world problems). I then thought well I'll just go online and buy myself an emergency bottle for these such times. I was somewhat dismayed when I realised just how expensive natural lotion was - around £20 for roughly 200ml.

I make about 400ml worth and it lasts me for 2 months and costs around £2.50 exc time, so even if I price myself at £20 per hour I'm still in the green not to mention the obvious perks of being able to adjust the recipe accordingly. Thinking about it now I probably should have added some cocoa butter to thicken it a bit but it the texture isn't my primary goal at the moment.

This particular recipe is actually designed for a pump bottle but I didn't finish my hand wash in time - a like to reuse the bottle - go recycling! So I've put them in tubs, it's lotion rather than cream, but I'm hoping I adjusted the recipe enough so that the lotion still stays on the skin happily for a good 15 hours or so.

I try to think of it like baking, sorting out your dry mix and wet mix separately, so in this case, sort your water mix (water, rose water, glycerin) and then your oil butter wax mix.

Ingredients (interchangeable with mls)

• 15g Beeswax - Binds the oil to the water
• 40g Coconut oil - moisturising
• 11g Lanolin - sealing
• 18g Mango Butter - anti greasy feeling
• 27g Aloe Butter - moisturising and anti greasy feeling
• 90g Sunflower oil - moisturising

Put these ingredients into the pyrex and double boiler (pan on stove with water). Melt and stir until you can't see any wax. While this is melting, boil and measure your water, don't add the rose water and glycerin to the water mixture until the oil is ready for it to be blended in.

Cool down the oil until it starts to look murky, then add these ingredients

• 20g Cyclomethicone - sheen and anti greasy feeling
• 3/4 tsp Neem oil - antibacterial/preservative
• 5ml Vitamin E - antioxidant / stops oils from smelling funny

Give it a quick whisk. Use the spatula to grab any leftover oils at the bottom

• 120ml filtered and boiled water - moisturising
• 20ml Rose water - moisturising
• 5ml Glycerin - humectant, moisturising

Add the rose water and glycerin to your water mix. SLOWLY add mixed water to the mixed oil whilst whisking on low. Should take minimum 10 minutes or you're going to fast. Every now and then stop the whisk and run the spatula along the sides and the bottom. When you have about 20 ml of water left, add the essential oils. Whisk until the water is fully incorporated and then whisk for a further 1 or 2 minutes.

• 7 drops Geranium essential oil - preservative and nice to skin
• 4 drop Patchouli - this and all others have great properties but were added for fragrance
• 4 drop Jasmine
• 1 x Tea tree
• 3 x Rosewood
• 3 x Bergamot
• 2 x Calendula - moisturising
• Electric whisk
• Mixing utensils, tissue and baby wipes

Clean up with tissues and then baby wipes and then wash as normal, put the tubs you're not using right now in the fridge and write the date on top. Use within 3 months. Put any extra fresh on your skin though waste not want not.😁

Second Diy relaxer

Not going to lie to you, I was not paying my hair the proper attention I should have been. Don't worry nothing went wrong but I did experience more breakage than acceptable. Simply because in my efforts to not touch my hair 24 hours before a relaxer due to it's fragility and general curliness, I didn't give it the moisture and oil it needed. So my hair was dry going in, and needed a lot of water love to get back to normal. I basically got scared to touch my hair rather than redouble my efforts to make heal it.

It feels fine and looks quite stunning actually, I have a lot of natural shine and I didn't use any Cyclomethicone either.

I left on for a little longer this time to ensure I relaxed to at least 90%, that's good enough for me.
Also made use of an Apple cider vinegar rinse and will be doing so again at my next wash (co wash) which will either be tomorrow or Wednesday. It depends how dry my hair and scalp feels but at this point, I imagine it will be left to Wednesday though as everything feels pretty ok today.

I am however getting frustrated at protective styles. I feel like single twists would be easier for my hair with a quick touch up in the morning, but I read that flat twists or big canerows are better because all the ends are hidden. I think rather than being religious about it I'll just have to listen to my hair at the time. I can't even see the evidence of new growth yet but that will show itself in time.

My next relaxer will be about a week before I go on holiday in July. Hopefully I will have learned even more about my hair. I'm still getting through the science of black hair book and am relearning a lot of things, have changed my hair oil (sealer mix) slightly as a result.

Need to remember though, my hair does not like being untouched, it sounds counter intuitive but it behaves like a child that needs to be picked up all the time. When I haven't run my hands through it twice a day it doesn't behave well, it's only marginally better at the beginning of the relaxer stretch. One of the primary reasons why consistent smaller canerows or weaves won't be in harmony with my hair.

5 lessons I learned from a 1000 piece puzzle

About 7 years ago I bought a puzzle for £10 just to buy something. I was feeling crappy and thought the exchange of £10 for some kind of activity would make me feel better.

I didn't open the puzzle until March this year, 6 weeks ago to be exact. As part of my Realignment/Happy Empire, I cancelled my Sky subscription in October last year and pretty much only watched shows online occasionally, I then decided that my living room which is entirely steered towards the television should probably be moved around, so the TV now faces the back of my sofa leaving me with so much more living room space than I thought possible.

The question I then had was, how do I entertain my nieces when they came over for Apple Pie day? (that's a thing, we've been doing it for years - one supplies a new found apple pie and we compare it against the last one to the last bite - it's a worthwhile endeavour).
Roll up the 1000 piece puzzle that's been holding place in my suitcase for years.

I don't think it looked immediately enticing to 'play' but after a while we really got into it; when they left that night we had small handful's of sections but the pieces were high level sorted. As I now had so much living room space - still enough to leave my yoga mat out - I decided to continue the puzzle, 30 minutes here or there just to see if I could do it.

These are the 5 lessons I learned from the 1000 piece puzzle

1. Doing something to cheer me up is never as enjoyable is being happy and then doing something. I learned this quickly. I don't mean happy ecstatic, just that steady open feeling. When I tried finding pieces when I was in a bad mood, I was lucky to get 3 or 4 pieces in the space of 30 minutes, compared to a good 20 pieces in 10 minutes - I was on a role when I was in a good mood.
2. Frustration blinds you. All the way through from the beginning until maybe the day before the end, I nearly always said at some point "that piece has to be missing, I've tried everything, there aren't enough pieces left to fill that gap" I was always wrong.
3. Perspective is everything. At the beginning when I had a lot of pieces, I laid them out on the floor rather than in the box, and when I really just couldn't see anything, I shuffled the pieces around like domino's. It always helped, but not even necessarily for the piece I was looking for right then, more often that not I'd find a bunch of pieces in one go for an entirely different section.
4. The mind will go on regardless. From my knowledge of the mind, I know it doesn't like gaps, it likes to figure things out and create patterns so that it can be more efficient. I really understood this when - I would have just looked up from my book, or breakfast or dinner, or walked past to get to the tumble dryer - I'd glance down and would immediately see a piece and knew exactly where it went, I wasn't thinking about it at all, on some occasions I hadn't touched it in days. This happened with such frequency I laughed each and every time.
5. You can only do so much in a space of time and be useful. It couldn't be rushed, on some sections when it got really hard, I started to think I was just obviously dumb, that I couldn't find a piece, after all the more you do, the less pieces there are to choose from. But I wasn't dumb, I'd just been looking at it too long or was just in the wrong head space, I needed time away so that my mind could figure it out without my brain getting in the way.

It has to be said, I intellectually knew all of these things before, but the slow and steady reminder was definitely appreciated. I'll remember this time.

Not quite in the zone - but getting there

I had a great day yesterday all in all, the best part of course was a uber lovely dinner with my Rocket Booster friend. Which was just what I needed as I did not pass my driving test yesterday. And that's ok.

It wasn't ok for a little while, I almost didn't want to feel better about it because the actual circumstances felt so unfair. But I had to feel better, because I can't live like that - moany and miserable - I tried a long time ago (that'll be in the book) and believe me it didn't work. I just can't stay in that place, I don't have the energy to be miserable all the time, it's exhausting.

The new test has been booked in June, and I will spend precious little time thinking about it. During dinner I was reminded (how could I forget) that going for my Chartership is a big important deal. I'm looking forward to it, I feel proud in advance of receiving it. But what the remembering of that did for me was to remind me that all the things I want seem big and important and life changing when you compare it to other things. And in reality I have already done at least 2 ridiculously big things in my young life that I would hope no one would have to ever be in a position to do.

You know what, none of it is a big deal. I have learnt over and over again that the more you not necessarily minimise things but level things out, circumstances, achievements etc; the less stress / negative energy that you put in that direction. Because we never purposefully sabotage ourselves, but it does seem to happen so much more readily when it's something we really really really (Jesus take the wheel) want it.

I'm not saying I won't want things anymore, that's not possible. But I am going to remind myself more quickly of this feeling - the acknowledgement that this as with all things good or bad shall pass. I am happy if I choose to be, I am excited and focused and successful when I start from a place of relaxation and pliability - like that feeling straight after a massage. Open, clear, in flow.

So open journal reader/me in the future - remind me if I start spinning out again, be like putty, mind and body.

Keeping cool vroom vroom

I've got my driving test tomorrow - the second one.

No one knows that it's actually tomorrow - except you lucky people who know I exist online.
All I've told people is that it's this month, maybe 1 or 2 people know it's this week.

Amazingly and somewhat predictably, my friend who broke her leg whilst on holiday skiing had to rearrange our dinner blitz (how I like to refer to it anyway, talk too much too fast, eat really good food, and usually experiment on a new bit of liquor). She said, it's going to have to be April I'm afraid, I said that's fine doll (and I think to myself - of all 30 days she's going to pick that random Tuesday). And of course she did.

And it turns out I was really rather grateful for it. Because she is one of my Rocket boosters as Lisa Nichols calls them - people who bring the good, shine a light, and you can feel safe and open around. And I thought, whatever happens, she will always be down for a giggle, will let me wallow but only for about 15 minutes, and then look onwards and upwards. On the other hand... if tomorrow goes as I expect it will - pass pass pass - she's going to have to skip her pain meds because there will be wine!

Leave in conditioner - Peppermint oil, I love you long time

Sometimes I forget how much things used to cost me before I started making them.

The other day I got lazy-annoyed about having to make more body lotion, so I thought I'll just buy a natural lotion. To which I then looked online and saw the prices and then my memory came back - but that's another conversation, I'll be making more lotion in a few weeks time so I'll talk about that then.

The same does apply for my leave in conditioner though, I have fine hair, I have never been a fan of the thick leave ins that you're supposed to put in your hair every day, they just made my hair look limp.

Through a lot of experimentation - and I'm sure it says something about it in the Science of Black Hair book. I then came across this lovely beauty which I have been using in good and bad ways for years but I believe I have now got it right.

My leave in conditioner uses these

• Water
• Rosemary, Lavender, Peppermint Essential oil
• Glycerin
• JASON Aloe Vera conditioner
• Spray bottle with adjustable nozzle

I typically use about a tsp of JASON, 250ml water, small dollop of Glycerin, 3 Rosemary, 2 Lavender, 3 Peppermint. I make a new one every 2 weeks and sometimes add an extra drop or 2 of EO after the first week. I can use this every day/ night followed by some protein when needed and sealer. The trick is to learning the amount you need to use. Some people like to co-wash every night, I don't have time for that - enough water, is enough.

In my *not paying attention* days I used to assume that the preservatives in the conditioner would keep the water from going bad for weeks - months - my full 9 week term. This was disgusting, I know that now, it was the reason why I had an itchy scalp, actively putting bacteria on my head and wondering why... Now 2 weeks is just enough, and I can always switch it up at anytime without it really costing me anything, the most expensive thing in it is the Conditioner and I can live with that, I'm a geek (and proud) I worked out that this costs me roughly 43p a month.

Once I corrected the above, I experimented again with different EO's, to be honest Sandalwood and my hair/scalp don't mix, I have no idea why because it's supposed to be moisturising but, it makes my hair feel dry. And even though every mix I did included Rosemary, my scalp really missed the Peppermint. I stopped using the peppermint because everyone everywhere says you should use that for greasy hair, and mine isn't greasy. But you know what, I think it helps to balance out the oils in my hair. Especially as my sealer is a mixture of oils and butters, that's the last ingredient that means I or anyone else can touch my hair and not need to wash their hands afterward (that and Mango butter). That's very important to me.

I do need to get a spray bottle that I can see through though, I don't know why I thought it was clever to get a pretty metal one. smh

Happy Easter Sunday :)

Micro win

The ever lovely Lisa Nichols told me to celebrate Micro Wins.

I don't know Lisa, I've never met her, but I do adore her and wish I spent more time listening to and reading her sooner.

I'm currently reading or trying to read Abundance Now by Lisa Nichols, amongst the many other books I'm juggling. I say trying to read because at the end of virtually every third paragraph she asks you these ridiculously thought provoking questions that send my head on a world wind trying to answer there and then.

I have accepted that I will have to read the book more than once to get the full benefit out of it. I haven't even gotten to the bit in the book where she discusses micro wins, I've only heard her speak about them in interviews. I like them. It's very easy to look at your big goal and feel like the tiny steps you made today didn't do much to shift the mountain, but it's never true. I try to think of it like a dial on a clock, the angle of the hand movement that adjusts for 5 minutes is much wider and obvious at the top of the clock then it is at the centre, and the centre is where I am at any given time. It's all I can see right there and then but doesn't mean that the hand didn't just move 5 minutes, because it did. All because it's not obvious to me yet from the centre, doesn't mean it didn't happen.

I had 2 Micro Wins today. The first one was a really good lunch with my Line Manager. I work at a fantastic company - I say that without being under a single feather of duress (no sarcasm). It's great and he's great, so we're chatting away and he asks me how I'm going to use my week off, I tell him I'm taking my second (and final) drivers test again and working on my personal business stuff like my writing and setting up the online business. There was no shock, no feeling threatened, no trying to talk me out of it, he just went on to talk about his nieces side businesses. And I'm sitting there thinking, I hadn't intended on bringing that up today, I was going to tell him that I had a business when I actually felt I had one. But there it is, out in the open and the ground didn't fall through, it didn't even murmur. And as I said in my well timed post yesterday - how many people said "are you allowed to do that and work for your company at the same time?" "don't you think they'll treat you differently, and not think you're invested?". Valid questions but A. I don't work for constantly paranoid people anymore, B. I rock my day job - I'm a Project Manager. I get things done morning, noon, and now night. If I ever felt that my personal business - the creating and functioning of it - ever interfered with my day job, I'd just move things around to make them integrate with my life better.

And I'm not in a rush for any of this, one of the biggest deals I made with myself when I decided to start doing all of these things (including this blog) was that I'd do it if it made me feel good, if it excited me, if I felt eager about it.

The second Win was I just bought my first stock for my first online business, I'll be setting up the prettiness (website, you tube, facebook page) once I actually receive said goods. All in good time.

And another

I keep getting ideas, I've learned in most cases I should follow them if they make me feel good.
This is the most recent idea.

I have a few personal business ideas that I'm getting underway. I have read, learned, ignored, proven and now accepted that I shouldn't talk about these things to people that aren't ready to hear them - which is most people it seems. Friends / family aren't purposefully raining on my parade, I've learned that you look at things from your own perspective, you assess the new using your own learned history and respond accordingly. So if something feels scary to you, regardless if it has nothing to do with you, you'll exhibit your fear for the other person by trying to steer them away from the possible danger.

Unfortunately, if you the person with the idea hasn't firmed it up in your mind enough or your gut even, then you'll feel downhearted and scared after hearing other peoples perspectives, whereas before you were excited and hopeful. Sometimes you really did need to hear the stop hold on a minute speech, but in my opinion, you have your life and it's your own - as long as you're not purposefully hurting yourself or anyone else, and have made your decisions from a sound mind (not a knee jerk reaction to something) go live it. Obviously you don't want to throw yourself off of figurative or literal bridges without a bungee cord but how many of us really want to do that? Often our ideas are really clear and not risk heavy to us, but they are to so many people, and that's what holds us back.

My latest idea was to write my thoughts up using my pre existing open journal. Because, whilst I know all of the above, I really really really really really like talking and I'm struggling being silent. I used to have many diaries as a child but, I struggle to write pen to paper now (unless it's the gratuity journal at the end of the week). This way feels better to me as I'm effectively talking, and don't need to worry about if it's interesting or not. I get things off of my chest, and if it helps anyone then so be it. If not, that's fine too.

NB. I have, much to my chagrin been told by a very wise woman (Delia) that I should be more vulnerable (I dislike that word passionately due to my interpretation of it), but I understand what she means. It's being fully comfortable being my full me out loud all the time. I'm more me out loud than I have ever been, and when I'm with my closest friends all of me is present and happy, but even as I write this I've had thoughts about removing my picture from the other posts so that I can still stay a little bit hidden. Mad isn't it.

So off I go, another blog page, about me, all of me, and as scary as it is, I'm writing a book about me and if I can't do this, then I can't do that.

6 weeks post - baby hair

It feels like I have baby hair. I'm going to take that as a good sign.

On the other side I have found another grey (white) hair today. I don't feel stressed so I imagine it's genetics from the Mr's side. All the men in that side had a triangle of white hair front from a young age and then didn't go fully grey until about 70.

I'd rather not go grey at all to be honest. I do have a good face though so maybe it will be flattering to me like a Rogue look. The white hairs feel good though, they don't feel any weaker or thinner and that's the most important thing.

Rosemary EO is supposed to be the best for grey hair, I'm not exactly sure how, really need to prioritise reading more of the science of black hair book. This is my second read and I'm already understanding more than I did the first time. I think that's what helped me to understand how baggying works.

Deep conditioner wash day today, will add more Rosemary into the hot oil mix, and then add a touch of that mix to the conditioner as well, should make it easier to detangle; although I did pick up my avocado oil that I use on my ends - how did I forget how good that stuff was?  I might just add a touch of Rosewood oil again, just to give my hair a little more strengthI'm only doing an 8 week stretch this time so this will be the last shampoo and conditioner. I only use conditioner in the 10 days or so leading up to it.

Baggying for moisture

Baggying is something that I have seen on many a blog for years now, and yet for some reason I just never paid any attention to it. Maybe it was because I wasn't sure when it would be appropriate to do it. As with most new fantastic products, they're probably great but if you use it at the wrong time, when your hair isn't ready, then you're not going to get the right results.

Baggying is when you put a shower cap or sealed plastic bag over your freshly moisturised but unsealed hair in order to keep the moisture in. I think it goes a little deeper than that actually, or at least for me any way.

I used to use mane n tail detangler religiously. At first I used to put way too much on because I was impatient, I eventually realised by accident (distracting phone call) that when you put it on and leave it to work - not immediately trying to comb or finger comb your hair - then the hair is actually much more agreeable, I didn't have to fight with it nearly as much and didn't have to use as much detangler.

The same applies to my standard leave in (water and conditioner mix in spray bottle with essential oils). My night process was to spray some the hair and scalp - I don't oil my scalp - and then finger comb, apply hair oil sealer and style for bed. This works fine at the beginning of my stretch, I don't need as much leave in or sealer. But at the end of the stretch, it just doesn't work, leaving me frustrated and running my hands through my hair too quickly, pulling out hair's from the fragile demarcation line. So I end up using more and more leave in, leaving me with wet hair, and then it's so wet you feel like it needs to dry a little before putting the oil on. As a night time routine, this gets really annoying as my hair is at this stage for about a month.

With baggying however I've found that giving my roots, scalp, and ends a nice light spray when I come home in the evening, putting the shower cap on while I cook, read, meditate; by the time it's time for my night time routine, you can feel the moisture is on the inside of the hair rather than just sitting on the outside. My tight and rough roots are flexible without feeling weak like that over moisturised feeling.

I don't have a lot of time in the evenings as I work pretty far away from home so the shower cap is only on for just under 2 hours. Even when I had a couple of evenings out this week, I still got the benefit from only keeping it on for 30 minutes while I showered and got ready for bed.
I am also using a small amount of protein every other night though - during the sealing process, I believe that keeps the balance.

Some people manage to baggy overnight, I have no idea how, after the 90 minute mark my scalp screams give me air! But if it works then it works, it's probably a little different if you have a lot of natural hair. I've also seen some worries that it would cause the hair to smell, I haven't had experience of that personally, smell as far as I know is caused by bacteria, the essential oils in my leave in and sealer put a stop to that pretty darn quick.

I'm really looking forward to seeing the growth in a couple of weeks when I relax again. I haven't worn my hair down once since February, but my friend had commented that it looked like it had grown. It probably just looked healthier / thicker as result of all the new growth and moisture that's in side the hair, but I do believe/hope that I have retained more hair this stretch. I won't be trimming again until the early Autumn. I went from 1 trim a year to 2 trims for the past 2 years and I really think that's part of the reason why I haven't seen much improvement, about an inch left me each time. I hardly ever have split ends but my hair does grow at different speeds all over my head so that would be the reason why it was levelled out quite so severely.

Pretty big breakthrough for me, it might have seemed obvious but sometimes you have to learn for yourself.

5 weeks post

I'm 5 week post relaxer now. I do believe I have sped up the growth process with Rosemary oil. It's the reason why this week has been so hard.

My hair was drinking water like as if it's life depended on it. I think I just got caught out with the warmer weather and strength of the curl.

I did remember that I had a rescue conditioner - Conceived by Nature. Who don't seem to make much but the one bottle I have tried I am always so very thankful for. I use this roughly this time every stretch, I don't know why I completely forgot it was their until I was about to put my normal conditioner in.

Before I remembered I had it I was just going to add some oil and Calendula EO to my Green people Conditioner, I think I'll do that next time. I'm really trying to treat the 2 different versions of my hair differently, (fresh relaxed vs curly at the roots, straight in the middle frizzy at the ends petulant hair). It's the frizzy at the ends part that annoys me the most, because it's not split ends, they're just dry. I just let my hair get much too dry for whatever reason.

I'm going to give baggying a try, I'm currently doing a bit of the reverse by putting a loose satin du-rag on with a shower cap on top. I'm drying my hair but not too much. In a little while I'll take the shower cap off and leave the slightly thick satin du-rag on before I start my nightly routine. Then I'll think I'll just baggy it in the evenings while I'm reading/eating etc. Especially during this end of stretch part. I probably won't need to do it often at the beginning of my stretch.

I do think I'll have to re purchase some Avocado oil and try using that as a detangler as it's quite a dry oil but very penetrating. I put the oil that I used as my pre poo on the ends before air drying, I'm hoping that together with the baggying and that amazing conditioner will get it back to normal. Plus maybe a quick spray or 2 of protein before sealing as well.