Not going to lie to you, this week was hard. Almost like as if the world knew I was trying to get to the next level in my own personal and psychological development and it just kept saying "are you sure, how about this?" Like walking on stilts while the ground is shaking, I strode.
I'm genuinely proud of myself, every single day there was something new and ridiculous for me to breathe about and then handle like a woman. And I blinking did, every last damn one of those things. All the way from a near technical calamity to untimely delays with the business, to just the most annoying and time consuming irritancies to deal with in the day job, to the emotional turmoil of having to actively not deal with a friend who is struggling because you know your 'help' makes them worse, makes them dependent, lets them continue being submissively controlling, and makes you not reach as far or as fast for what you want in you're life because you're afraid you won't be around to be a 'good friend' to them.
I did it all, I dealt with it all and I am so thankful. And I am so scared. Everything I do from this point onwards is to make room for the life I want. I couldn't go back to how things used to be even if I tried. There's a peaceful surrender in that, now all I need to do is work on the new normal. And even then 'work' seems like too strong of a word. It feels like the new normal exists and I just need to accept and relax into it.
Like yesterday, it was my 30th birthday party, which is 2 weeks before my actual birthday but I'll be on holiday so only right I celebrate with everyone now. It was great. I laughed a lot. I saw and had fun with really good people, I'm very thankful I have the friends and family I do.
I am 29 ish and I have only just begun.
My next post(s) will be from a different continent. See you then.
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