As you may (or may not) have noticed, I haven't written in a while. From Jamaica, to coming home and realising I had to move to launching Gem Stone Love, and trying to get to grips with what is and isn't happening in my day job - I just haven't had the time.
I have been keeping up on my hair regime and I'm still making things left right and centre - most recent addition being a pomade with beeswax.
But unfortunately I'm going to have to leave blogging alone for a little while :( :( :(
I'll still be around but it will be in full Gem Stone Love capacity - you can catch me at any of the places below explaining it all like my name is Clarissa or something.
I really appreciated everyone who read and Google+ posts and I'm hoping you'll stay in touch and follow me on my new journey. This blog is staying open as there may just be room for me to return later. But until the next time...
www.gemstonelove.co.uk
Instagram @gemstonelondon
Twitter @gemstonelondon
www.facebook.com/gemstoneloveuk
Showing posts with label Journey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Journey. Show all posts
Sunday, 6 August 2017
Sunday, 25 June 2017
29 ish
Not going to lie to you, this week was hard. Almost like as if the world knew I was trying to get to the next level in my own personal and psychological development and it just kept saying "are you sure, how about this?" Like walking on stilts while the ground is shaking, I strode.
I'm genuinely proud of myself, every single day there was something new and ridiculous for me to breathe about and then handle like a woman. And I blinking did, every last damn one of those things. All the way from a near technical calamity to untimely delays with the business, to just the most annoying and time consuming irritancies to deal with in the day job, to the emotional turmoil of having to actively not deal with a friend who is struggling because you know your 'help' makes them worse, makes them dependent, lets them continue being submissively controlling, and makes you not reach as far or as fast for what you want in you're life because you're afraid you won't be around to be a 'good friend' to them.
I did it all, I dealt with it all and I am so thankful. And I am so scared. Everything I do from this point onwards is to make room for the life I want. I couldn't go back to how things used to be even if I tried. There's a peaceful surrender in that, now all I need to do is work on the new normal. And even then 'work' seems like too strong of a word. It feels like the new normal exists and I just need to accept and relax into it.
Like yesterday, it was my 30th birthday party, which is 2 weeks before my actual birthday but I'll be on holiday so only right I celebrate with everyone now. It was great. I laughed a lot. I saw and had fun with really good people, I'm very thankful I have the friends and family I do.
I am 29 ish and I have only just begun.
My next post(s) will be from a different continent. See you then.
I'm genuinely proud of myself, every single day there was something new and ridiculous for me to breathe about and then handle like a woman. And I blinking did, every last damn one of those things. All the way from a near technical calamity to untimely delays with the business, to just the most annoying and time consuming irritancies to deal with in the day job, to the emotional turmoil of having to actively not deal with a friend who is struggling because you know your 'help' makes them worse, makes them dependent, lets them continue being submissively controlling, and makes you not reach as far or as fast for what you want in you're life because you're afraid you won't be around to be a 'good friend' to them.
I did it all, I dealt with it all and I am so thankful. And I am so scared. Everything I do from this point onwards is to make room for the life I want. I couldn't go back to how things used to be even if I tried. There's a peaceful surrender in that, now all I need to do is work on the new normal. And even then 'work' seems like too strong of a word. It feels like the new normal exists and I just need to accept and relax into it.
Like yesterday, it was my 30th birthday party, which is 2 weeks before my actual birthday but I'll be on holiday so only right I celebrate with everyone now. It was great. I laughed a lot. I saw and had fun with really good people, I'm very thankful I have the friends and family I do.
I am 29 ish and I have only just begun.
My next post(s) will be from a different continent. See you then.
Sunday, 18 June 2017
These books are helping
I'm glad I'm reading / listening to the books I am. They pretty much fall into two counts, business or personal growth. When I have a good list I'll post it here as there are some goodies I'm looking forward to in July.
And weirdly when I listen to books I like to listen to them twice through. Means I get all of the information, I also play them faster than their standard speed so that 8 hours goes slightly quicker throughout the week. Maximising that time!
One of the things the books have told me is that whatever I thought my initial spend would be - treble it. In my case treble plus a bit. And it's not just because of the website, but I was getting that little whisper at the back of my mind about the stock.
I bought the original stock I did (keyrings) because everyone has keys, and if the supplier turned out to be dodgy, then I love keyings and I have presents to give for a few years. The original plan for Gem Stone Love was to quietly sell them from ebay and Amazon and get a little pocket money, but things changed.
I don't mean it had a runaway scope, things really changed, all of a sudden I realised how much it could align with my life values and the ways it could expand into a holistic living hub. And so I started building everything else around the holistic living hub mindset, which is fantastic and feels so right. It was only last week during my marathon phone call with my friend that I realised I needed to widen my stock pool. The stock I had didn't synergise with my overall offering.
I didn't go out and spend several thousand pounds, but I did get a couple of items of jewellery and most importantly Tumblestones. Tumblestones are where everyone starts on their crystal discovery and I was only selling them in keyring form. That didn't sit with me. I only told my marathon phone friend that I was buying more stock because I knew no one else would understand, and even she was mildly disconcerted at the overall amount I've spent now.
I'm glad I listened to myself. The website is very nearly ready, I'll just have to do the usual neatening and choosing what to display for the launch, but I'm excited. Exactly one month until the launch and my baby is born - it does feel like my baby - yes I know, I don't have children and yes you can laugh.
And weirdly when I listen to books I like to listen to them twice through. Means I get all of the information, I also play them faster than their standard speed so that 8 hours goes slightly quicker throughout the week. Maximising that time!
One of the things the books have told me is that whatever I thought my initial spend would be - treble it. In my case treble plus a bit. And it's not just because of the website, but I was getting that little whisper at the back of my mind about the stock.
I bought the original stock I did (keyrings) because everyone has keys, and if the supplier turned out to be dodgy, then I love keyings and I have presents to give for a few years. The original plan for Gem Stone Love was to quietly sell them from ebay and Amazon and get a little pocket money, but things changed.
I don't mean it had a runaway scope, things really changed, all of a sudden I realised how much it could align with my life values and the ways it could expand into a holistic living hub. And so I started building everything else around the holistic living hub mindset, which is fantastic and feels so right. It was only last week during my marathon phone call with my friend that I realised I needed to widen my stock pool. The stock I had didn't synergise with my overall offering.
I didn't go out and spend several thousand pounds, but I did get a couple of items of jewellery and most importantly Tumblestones. Tumblestones are where everyone starts on their crystal discovery and I was only selling them in keyring form. That didn't sit with me. I only told my marathon phone friend that I was buying more stock because I knew no one else would understand, and even she was mildly disconcerted at the overall amount I've spent now.
I'm glad I listened to myself. The website is very nearly ready, I'll just have to do the usual neatening and choosing what to display for the launch, but I'm excited. Exactly one month until the launch and my baby is born - it does feel like my baby - yes I know, I don't have children and yes you can laugh.
Saturday, 10 June 2017
Fluffy hair
As with all knowings in life, your hair will whisper to you, then it will nudge you, then it will hold you by the face and shout at you.
So I've been busy, thus the radio silence, I really hadn't realised it had been so long since I'd written.
I haven't worn my hair straight down since maybe November time, due to our delightfully ever-changing weather, it's just 2 flat twists, and undo it and put a grip in it in the morning. I'm 7 weeks post now so it is more like 3 big canerows and undo it with a grip in the morning.
But the fluffiness! In my busy-ness I just couldn't get why even though my hair was well moisturised and oiled, it still came out fluffy in the morning making the curls look very undefined and undignified too while I'm at it. I know how I wish to present myself and quite frankly I left the flat looking frazzled in the morning.
So you know, if you've done moisture and there's no change then do protein - I did protein spray's and... nothing, or very little movement. It took maybe 2 weeks for me to realise I hadn't done a deep protein treatment - which with the Jason thin to thick on my hair is about 10 minutes MAXIMUM.
So I mixed it in with my Jason Aloe Vera conditioner in my co-wash this week after netball, and that really did the trick. But why did it take me so long to realise what was up with my hair?
Because I was busy, and getting lost in busy-ness not to be confused with business. When I stray from my routine, when I get wrapped up in social media and news because of the election. My mind loses it's usual ability to process the simple things.
The routine that I have that works isn't even that hardcore regimented, there's lots of room for flexibility but as with all aspects of life, you have to acknowledge the addictions you have and how much control they have over you, even down to the basic things like taking care of your hair. It may not seem like a straight swap "If I watch another hour of tv I won't do my hair tonight" but seriously I know this and I'm re-teaching myself everyday. Too much of some of the unnecessary stuff just teaches your mind how to not think. Eventually you just won't think about you at all.
So I've been busy, thus the radio silence, I really hadn't realised it had been so long since I'd written.
I haven't worn my hair straight down since maybe November time, due to our delightfully ever-changing weather, it's just 2 flat twists, and undo it and put a grip in it in the morning. I'm 7 weeks post now so it is more like 3 big canerows and undo it with a grip in the morning.
But the fluffiness! In my busy-ness I just couldn't get why even though my hair was well moisturised and oiled, it still came out fluffy in the morning making the curls look very undefined and undignified too while I'm at it. I know how I wish to present myself and quite frankly I left the flat looking frazzled in the morning.
So you know, if you've done moisture and there's no change then do protein - I did protein spray's and... nothing, or very little movement. It took maybe 2 weeks for me to realise I hadn't done a deep protein treatment - which with the Jason thin to thick on my hair is about 10 minutes MAXIMUM.
So I mixed it in with my Jason Aloe Vera conditioner in my co-wash this week after netball, and that really did the trick. But why did it take me so long to realise what was up with my hair?
Because I was busy, and getting lost in busy-ness not to be confused with business. When I stray from my routine, when I get wrapped up in social media and news because of the election. My mind loses it's usual ability to process the simple things.
The routine that I have that works isn't even that hardcore regimented, there's lots of room for flexibility but as with all aspects of life, you have to acknowledge the addictions you have and how much control they have over you, even down to the basic things like taking care of your hair. It may not seem like a straight swap "If I watch another hour of tv I won't do my hair tonight" but seriously I know this and I'm re-teaching myself everyday. Too much of some of the unnecessary stuff just teaches your mind how to not think. Eventually you just won't think about you at all.
Thursday, 25 May 2017
I was scared today
For those of you who haven't realised already, I'm a hippy. I actually prefer the title mini hippy, but hippy nonetheless.
I believe in the law of attraction and the power of our own minds. I believe we are all essentially the same at our core, even if our actions betray that fact. I believe in healthy selfishness because you can't give from an empty cup, and depleting yourself does nothing to aid the collective. My belief has helped me tremendously with past traumas and self development.
With all of the new things I'm doing, I've had to get strong with affirmations, and firmly keep my mouth shut when I want to repeat old ways and surreptitiously beg for approval or permission in my endeavours. I have been paying attention to my emotions, and listening to my body when something does or doesn't feel right and it has gotten me so far I couldn't be more thankful if I tried.
When this whole thing (Happy Empire/Relaxed in London) began in February ish. I had to make the decision to not read certain posts and turn off the radio when it got too painful. It was the whole Trump thing. It was everywhere and people were so scared for months, it just didn't stop. It was really getting to me. So I limited my access to social media and stopped looking at anything at all for a week and really helped.
Keeping an eye on your emotions and subsequent stray thoughts can seem like a full time job, but you become so much more sensitive to it as time goes on.
The past 2 weeks have been exceptionally busy, primarily with the day job. I even had one of those random 4 day colds where you get one symptom that lasts for 6 hours before the next one comes along. I haven't worked on Gem Stone Love this week at all really other than to confirm my logo. But I was tired, and I was down, and then I woke up on Tuesday morning to the news that we suffered another attack, this time in Manchester.
It hit me hard, there was so many babies, probably at their first concert, up till that point the best day of their lives. Some are gone, and the others still with us are in pain. It will reverberate for a while and you have no idea how the effects of that night will show up on those children's lives as they grow to be adults. I was sickened.
Life for me had to go on though, so I meditated and kept them in my heart and had to go on about my week. I used my beliefs as always to help me, but I didn't do so well. With the tiredness and the ridiculous workload as well, my defences just weren't cutting it. I was listening to the radio, watching the video's, staying up step with the several scares after that night. And today about lunch time I realised I was scared.
I take public transport to go home, I go through 2 major stations and have seen the ramp up in police presence. I was scared. And I was shocked to realise I was. But I'm glad I admitted it to myself because then I could deal with it. I got myself a treat, walked in the sunshine, listened to several hours of Katt Williams stand up, and forced myself to find some really good things that had happened this week.
And maybe most importantly, went back to the basis of mindfulness - my version of it anyway, I went deep. By deep I mean I literally say what I am doing as I'm doing it, as it's the fastest and most immediate way to stop my mind from spinning. For example, I am walking to the bathroom, I lay down the toilet paper on the seat, I unzip my shorts, I am assuming the position, I feel relieved, I wipe, I stand, I redress, I flush, I wash hands, I dry hands, I smile at myself in the mirror.
I hope other people have/will find there way to get through this again. My heart as always goes out to the loves who were left behind with a hole that can't be filled. The only positive thing to come out of an incident that addresses mortality is that it should remind you that you too have a time. So in the time that you have, don't waste it worrying, being someone you're not, just waiting to live. I won't be. I'm going to live, and I'll bloody well enjoy it too.
I believe in the law of attraction and the power of our own minds. I believe we are all essentially the same at our core, even if our actions betray that fact. I believe in healthy selfishness because you can't give from an empty cup, and depleting yourself does nothing to aid the collective. My belief has helped me tremendously with past traumas and self development.
With all of the new things I'm doing, I've had to get strong with affirmations, and firmly keep my mouth shut when I want to repeat old ways and surreptitiously beg for approval or permission in my endeavours. I have been paying attention to my emotions, and listening to my body when something does or doesn't feel right and it has gotten me so far I couldn't be more thankful if I tried.
When this whole thing (Happy Empire/Relaxed in London) began in February ish. I had to make the decision to not read certain posts and turn off the radio when it got too painful. It was the whole Trump thing. It was everywhere and people were so scared for months, it just didn't stop. It was really getting to me. So I limited my access to social media and stopped looking at anything at all for a week and really helped.
Keeping an eye on your emotions and subsequent stray thoughts can seem like a full time job, but you become so much more sensitive to it as time goes on.
The past 2 weeks have been exceptionally busy, primarily with the day job. I even had one of those random 4 day colds where you get one symptom that lasts for 6 hours before the next one comes along. I haven't worked on Gem Stone Love this week at all really other than to confirm my logo. But I was tired, and I was down, and then I woke up on Tuesday morning to the news that we suffered another attack, this time in Manchester.
It hit me hard, there was so many babies, probably at their first concert, up till that point the best day of their lives. Some are gone, and the others still with us are in pain. It will reverberate for a while and you have no idea how the effects of that night will show up on those children's lives as they grow to be adults. I was sickened.
Life for me had to go on though, so I meditated and kept them in my heart and had to go on about my week. I used my beliefs as always to help me, but I didn't do so well. With the tiredness and the ridiculous workload as well, my defences just weren't cutting it. I was listening to the radio, watching the video's, staying up step with the several scares after that night. And today about lunch time I realised I was scared.
I take public transport to go home, I go through 2 major stations and have seen the ramp up in police presence. I was scared. And I was shocked to realise I was. But I'm glad I admitted it to myself because then I could deal with it. I got myself a treat, walked in the sunshine, listened to several hours of Katt Williams stand up, and forced myself to find some really good things that had happened this week.
And maybe most importantly, went back to the basis of mindfulness - my version of it anyway, I went deep. By deep I mean I literally say what I am doing as I'm doing it, as it's the fastest and most immediate way to stop my mind from spinning. For example, I am walking to the bathroom, I lay down the toilet paper on the seat, I unzip my shorts, I am assuming the position, I feel relieved, I wipe, I stand, I redress, I flush, I wash hands, I dry hands, I smile at myself in the mirror.
I hope other people have/will find there way to get through this again. My heart as always goes out to the loves who were left behind with a hole that can't be filled. The only positive thing to come out of an incident that addresses mortality is that it should remind you that you too have a time. So in the time that you have, don't waste it worrying, being someone you're not, just waiting to live. I won't be. I'm going to live, and I'll bloody well enjoy it too.
Saturday, 13 May 2017
Self worth
This week was a busy one, I'll go into it on Monday's blog.
My friend whom I've known for nearly half of my life is planning my 30th birthday party. I've invited everyone I like and am close to in one way or another.
My birthday has always been special for me, mostly due to the fact that I taught myself to purposefully celebrate it. Growing up it there was cake and cards but no real joy on my birthday, it was necessary. {thus why I'm writing a book, although it's not about them, it's about me}.
The only full birthday party I can remember having was when I was 11 and invited nearly everyone in my class.
As an adult I have separate mini celebrations with my loves, lunches, dinners, movie nights, and beach visits. This year I'm going to Jamaica, been in the planning for years and I have 2 friends coming with me.
The party is taking place before I go away, we'll be in lovely Tiki huts outside (crossing fingers for good weather). I'm expecting about 20 people to eat and the rest will be coming and going as they please.
This is a big deal, I've never had everyone in one place before, and frantically started looking for an outfit to make me look and feel fabulous. Having selected the dress and it being delivered, I tried it on at work so that my friend could see. She approved heartily, I took it home to see for myself as I had no mirror in my work boardroom, but I was so busy I didn't get to see it on myself for a week.
A tried it on and looked in the mirror. And was pleasantly surprised, I looked beautiful and relaxed, and more than a little bit luxurious. I was happy. The moment I realised how stunning but simple the dress itself was though I started having thoughts like "maybe it's a bit over the top? I'll only be eating and drinking in it. It's going to draw way too much attention. Maybe I should just get a quieter dress"
I wanted to hide.
I haven't felt that feeling in a long long time. I'm an extravert that grew up introverted thanks to my surroundings. Think of the reverse, forcing an introvert into the centre of a room to sing and dance.
Years it took me to brush all of that muck and psychological abuse off my shoulders, and yet my birthday weeks (I celebrate over the whole summer) is the one time where if I have what would be a normally stressful / bad day, there it is - the ability to make me feel small, unloved, a problem, something to be hidden.
No one is treating me like that anymore, I made sure of it. But I have a memory, and whilst I don't purposefully think about those times, they were apart of my life so my brain will function exactly like everyone else's does and plays SNAP - you remember this? or how about this?.
I'm wearing the dress. Or something similar as it is quite warm so I don't want to boil myself on a Saturday afternoon. The blessing with that moment looking in the mirror is that it didn't last long, maybe 1 or 2 minutes. And I realised for the thousandth time just how far I had come. How rare those moments are, how quickly they dissipate under the strength of my recovered character and integrity.
I have been going through the process of becoming a whole person for 8 years. I think I could officially call myself an adult about 2 years ago. I love being me, just the other day I was saying to my friend if I had £1,200 (precise I know) I could just give all of my clothes to charity because they don't feel like me. I wear them because I bought them, and I don't buy clothes regularly because I find the process distressing, long limbs, big boobs, no arse, broad shoulders.
I wonder if it was distressing because I was buying the wrong clothes? Acceptable clothes, normal clothes. I'll make a promise to myself to buy only MY clothes from now on.
My friend whom I've known for nearly half of my life is planning my 30th birthday party. I've invited everyone I like and am close to in one way or another.
My birthday has always been special for me, mostly due to the fact that I taught myself to purposefully celebrate it. Growing up it there was cake and cards but no real joy on my birthday, it was necessary. {thus why I'm writing a book, although it's not about them, it's about me}.
The only full birthday party I can remember having was when I was 11 and invited nearly everyone in my class.
As an adult I have separate mini celebrations with my loves, lunches, dinners, movie nights, and beach visits. This year I'm going to Jamaica, been in the planning for years and I have 2 friends coming with me.
 |
| Top left is me, top right (younger filter), bottom left (old filter), bottom right (man filter). Just for giggles lol |
The party is taking place before I go away, we'll be in lovely Tiki huts outside (crossing fingers for good weather). I'm expecting about 20 people to eat and the rest will be coming and going as they please.
This is a big deal, I've never had everyone in one place before, and frantically started looking for an outfit to make me look and feel fabulous. Having selected the dress and it being delivered, I tried it on at work so that my friend could see. She approved heartily, I took it home to see for myself as I had no mirror in my work boardroom, but I was so busy I didn't get to see it on myself for a week.
A tried it on and looked in the mirror. And was pleasantly surprised, I looked beautiful and relaxed, and more than a little bit luxurious. I was happy. The moment I realised how stunning but simple the dress itself was though I started having thoughts like "maybe it's a bit over the top? I'll only be eating and drinking in it. It's going to draw way too much attention. Maybe I should just get a quieter dress"
I wanted to hide.
I haven't felt that feeling in a long long time. I'm an extravert that grew up introverted thanks to my surroundings. Think of the reverse, forcing an introvert into the centre of a room to sing and dance.
Years it took me to brush all of that muck and psychological abuse off my shoulders, and yet my birthday weeks (I celebrate over the whole summer) is the one time where if I have what would be a normally stressful / bad day, there it is - the ability to make me feel small, unloved, a problem, something to be hidden.
No one is treating me like that anymore, I made sure of it. But I have a memory, and whilst I don't purposefully think about those times, they were apart of my life so my brain will function exactly like everyone else's does and plays SNAP - you remember this? or how about this?.
I'm wearing the dress. Or something similar as it is quite warm so I don't want to boil myself on a Saturday afternoon. The blessing with that moment looking in the mirror is that it didn't last long, maybe 1 or 2 minutes. And I realised for the thousandth time just how far I had come. How rare those moments are, how quickly they dissipate under the strength of my recovered character and integrity.
I have been going through the process of becoming a whole person for 8 years. I think I could officially call myself an adult about 2 years ago. I love being me, just the other day I was saying to my friend if I had £1,200 (precise I know) I could just give all of my clothes to charity because they don't feel like me. I wear them because I bought them, and I don't buy clothes regularly because I find the process distressing, long limbs, big boobs, no arse, broad shoulders.
I wonder if it was distressing because I was buying the wrong clothes? Acceptable clothes, normal clothes. I'll make a promise to myself to buy only MY clothes from now on.
Monday, 1 May 2017
Retract to expand
Feeling good with this latest realisation. As you know I embarked on a number of different projects after I got out of my funk at the beginning of the year. Enough projects to make sure I have no idea how to do them all and therefore stops me obsessing entirely about any single one.
Now it seems I have gotten to a relatively stable point where I can with good faith and no sense of remorse shelve some. I've put 3 of the original 8 projects on hold, swapped some and added others. I'm glad it all happened this way though. I very much believe that if I didn't have all of these ideas, they wouldn't have lead me to the other projects that would stick right now. I'm really grateful for them giving me a new perspective from where I stood, because all of these things didn't come into my head at once, it was drip drip drip. And I ran with all of them, what did I have to lose.
So now I'm left with the following that make up the happy empire
I'm busy, but it feels so good. I got back to work this week after my week off feeling genuinely refreshed; I was working on the empire every day, every single day. It may not have been a full 8 hours chained to my laptop and a pack of wotsits. But I wasn't on holiday somewhere, I was working, on me and for me and it felt good, really really good. Especially when I compare it to the days of not so long ago where if I wasn't out with friends, I was watching tv or reading. None of those things are bad but I watched far too much tv for someone who had all of these dreams and wants. And I never went back to work feeling refreshed after the tv marathon, I'd just feel tired, and bored.
This week at work was so busy my line manager pulled me aside before I could get to my emails on Monday to warn me that my diary is likely to change. How sweet is that? and change it did, drastically and for the next 3 months, just like that. And with all of that, I was still pining after doing my empire work. Because it doesn't tire me, and weirdly having that not tire makes work not as tiring either. Something profound and psychological in there I'm sure.
It's not to say I don't do all of what people think of as fun anymore, I still watch tv, but maybe only 2 episodes a week (drastic for some people I'm aware) but I just really focused on the tv that actually gave me something and added to my life, and none of it is educational btw. I still read obviously, and I still see my friends. I even feel more flexible now in seeing my friends because I don't feel so exhausted after work in the week. There is time for everything, and really I should know, I'm inefficiency's arch nemesis after all.
Now it seems I have gotten to a relatively stable point where I can with good faith and no sense of remorse shelve some. I've put 3 of the original 8 projects on hold, swapped some and added others. I'm glad it all happened this way though. I very much believe that if I didn't have all of these ideas, they wouldn't have lead me to the other projects that would stick right now. I'm really grateful for them giving me a new perspective from where I stood, because all of these things didn't come into my head at once, it was drip drip drip. And I ran with all of them, what did I have to lose.
So now I'm left with the following that make up the happy empire
- Relaxed in London blog (all 3 pages)
- Writing the book - The book, the one people have been nudging me to write since I was 21
- Chartership - becoming a Chartered Project Manager, I shiver with the wonderfulness of it all
- Gem Stone Love - the baby project that some how took over my every waking thought - it's a good thing I have other things to do. But this will pun intended - be the gem in the empire
- Stakeholder Management - reading the book. Really interesting actually, you would imagine it to be as boring as dishwater but the writer has a lovely tone and lightness to it all thank goodness. This also counts towards my continual personal development hours for the chartership as well so win win.
- Volunteering with the Association for Project Management, will again help with the chartership, hopefully just surrounding myself in the community will help to inspire me and keep me going
- 'Flow' maintenance. Books / podcasts / audiobooks to help me on my way and keep me on track. The current 'Flow' is Abundance Now by Lisa Nichols. / Yoga mindfulness and comedy podcasts / Search inside yourself by Chade-Meng Tan audiobook.
I'm busy, but it feels so good. I got back to work this week after my week off feeling genuinely refreshed; I was working on the empire every day, every single day. It may not have been a full 8 hours chained to my laptop and a pack of wotsits. But I wasn't on holiday somewhere, I was working, on me and for me and it felt good, really really good. Especially when I compare it to the days of not so long ago where if I wasn't out with friends, I was watching tv or reading. None of those things are bad but I watched far too much tv for someone who had all of these dreams and wants. And I never went back to work feeling refreshed after the tv marathon, I'd just feel tired, and bored.
This week at work was so busy my line manager pulled me aside before I could get to my emails on Monday to warn me that my diary is likely to change. How sweet is that? and change it did, drastically and for the next 3 months, just like that. And with all of that, I was still pining after doing my empire work. Because it doesn't tire me, and weirdly having that not tire makes work not as tiring either. Something profound and psychological in there I'm sure.
It's not to say I don't do all of what people think of as fun anymore, I still watch tv, but maybe only 2 episodes a week (drastic for some people I'm aware) but I just really focused on the tv that actually gave me something and added to my life, and none of it is educational btw. I still read obviously, and I still see my friends. I even feel more flexible now in seeing my friends because I don't feel so exhausted after work in the week. There is time for everything, and really I should know, I'm inefficiency's arch nemesis after all.
Saturday, 22 April 2017
Second Diy relaxer
Not going to lie to you, I was not paying my hair the proper attention I should have been. Don't worry nothing went wrong but I did experience more breakage than acceptable. Simply because in my efforts to not touch my hair 24 hours before a relaxer due to it's fragility and general curliness, I didn't give it the moisture and oil it needed. So my hair was dry going in, and needed a lot of water love to get back to normal. I basically got scared to touch my hair rather than redouble my efforts to make heal it.
It feels fine and looks quite stunning actually, I have a lot of natural shine and I didn't use any Cyclomethicone either.
I left on for a little longer this time to ensure I relaxed to at least 90%, that's good enough for me.
Also made use of an Apple cider vinegar rinse and will be doing so again at my next wash (co wash) which will either be tomorrow or Wednesday. It depends how dry my hair and scalp feels but at this point, I imagine it will be left to Wednesday though as everything feels pretty ok today.
I am however getting frustrated at protective styles. I feel like single twists would be easier for my hair with a quick touch up in the morning, but I read that flat twists or big canerows are better because all the ends are hidden. I think rather than being religious about it I'll just have to listen to my hair at the time. I can't even see the evidence of new growth yet but that will show itself in time.
My next relaxer will be about a week before I go on holiday in July. Hopefully I will have learned even more about my hair. I'm still getting through the science of black hair book and am relearning a lot of things, have changed my hair oil (sealer mix) slightly as a result.
Need to remember though, my hair does not like being untouched, it sounds counter intuitive but it behaves like a child that needs to be picked up all the time. When I haven't run my hands through it twice a day it doesn't behave well, it's only marginally better at the beginning of the relaxer stretch. One of the primary reasons why consistent smaller canerows or weaves won't be in harmony with my hair.
It feels fine and looks quite stunning actually, I have a lot of natural shine and I didn't use any Cyclomethicone either.
I left on for a little longer this time to ensure I relaxed to at least 90%, that's good enough for me.
Also made use of an Apple cider vinegar rinse and will be doing so again at my next wash (co wash) which will either be tomorrow or Wednesday. It depends how dry my hair and scalp feels but at this point, I imagine it will be left to Wednesday though as everything feels pretty ok today.
I am however getting frustrated at protective styles. I feel like single twists would be easier for my hair with a quick touch up in the morning, but I read that flat twists or big canerows are better because all the ends are hidden. I think rather than being religious about it I'll just have to listen to my hair at the time. I can't even see the evidence of new growth yet but that will show itself in time.
My next relaxer will be about a week before I go on holiday in July. Hopefully I will have learned even more about my hair. I'm still getting through the science of black hair book and am relearning a lot of things, have changed my hair oil (sealer mix) slightly as a result.
Need to remember though, my hair does not like being untouched, it sounds counter intuitive but it behaves like a child that needs to be picked up all the time. When I haven't run my hands through it twice a day it doesn't behave well, it's only marginally better at the beginning of the relaxer stretch. One of the primary reasons why consistent smaller canerows or weaves won't be in harmony with my hair.
Friday, 21 April 2017
5 lessons I learned from a 1000 piece puzzle
About 7 years ago I bought a puzzle for £10 just to buy something. I was feeling crappy and thought the exchange of £10 for some kind of activity would make me feel better.
I didn't open the puzzle until March this year, 6 weeks ago to be exact. As part of my Realignment/Happy Empire, I cancelled my Sky subscription in October last year and pretty much only watched shows online occasionally, I then decided that my living room which is entirely steered towards the television should probably be moved around, so the TV now faces the back of my sofa leaving me with so much more living room space than I thought possible.
The question I then had was, how do I entertain my nieces when they came over for Apple Pie day? (that's a thing, we've been doing it for years - one supplies a new found apple pie and we compare it against the last one to the last bite - it's a worthwhile endeavour).
Roll up the 1000 piece puzzle that's been holding place in my suitcase for years.
I don't think it looked immediately enticing to 'play' but after a while we really got into it; when they left that night we had small handful's of sections but the pieces were high level sorted. As I now had so much living room space - still enough to leave my yoga mat out - I decided to continue the puzzle, 30 minutes here or there just to see if I could do it.
These are the 5 lessons I learned from the 1000 piece puzzle
I didn't open the puzzle until March this year, 6 weeks ago to be exact. As part of my Realignment/Happy Empire, I cancelled my Sky subscription in October last year and pretty much only watched shows online occasionally, I then decided that my living room which is entirely steered towards the television should probably be moved around, so the TV now faces the back of my sofa leaving me with so much more living room space than I thought possible.
The question I then had was, how do I entertain my nieces when they came over for Apple Pie day? (that's a thing, we've been doing it for years - one supplies a new found apple pie and we compare it against the last one to the last bite - it's a worthwhile endeavour).
Roll up the 1000 piece puzzle that's been holding place in my suitcase for years.
I don't think it looked immediately enticing to 'play' but after a while we really got into it; when they left that night we had small handful's of sections but the pieces were high level sorted. As I now had so much living room space - still enough to leave my yoga mat out - I decided to continue the puzzle, 30 minutes here or there just to see if I could do it.
These are the 5 lessons I learned from the 1000 piece puzzle
- Doing something to cheer me up is never as enjoyable is being happy and then doing something. I learned this quickly. I don't mean happy ecstatic, just that steady open feeling. When I tried finding pieces when I was in a bad mood, I was lucky to get 3 or 4 pieces in the space of 30 minutes, compared to a good 20 pieces in 10 minutes - I was on a role when I was in a good mood.
- Frustration blinds you. All the way through from the beginning until maybe the day before the end, I nearly always said at some point "that piece has to be missing, I've tried everything, there aren't enough pieces left to fill that gap" I was always wrong.
- Perspective is everything. At the beginning when I had a lot of pieces, I laid them out on the floor rather than in the box, and when I really just couldn't see anything, I shuffled the pieces around like domino's. It always helped, but not even necessarily for the piece I was looking for right then, more often that not I'd find a bunch of pieces in one go for an entirely different section.
- The mind will go on regardless. From my knowledge of the mind, I know it doesn't like gaps, it likes to figure things out and create patterns so that it can be more efficient. I really understood this when - I would have just looked up from my book, or breakfast or dinner, or walked past to get to the tumble dryer - I'd glance down and would immediately see a piece and knew exactly where it went, I wasn't thinking about it at all, on some occasions I hadn't touched it in days. This happened with such frequency I laughed each and every time.
- You can only do so much in a space of time and be useful. It couldn't be rushed, on some sections when it got really hard, I started to think I was just obviously dumb, that I couldn't find a piece, after all the more you do, the less pieces there are to choose from. But I wasn't dumb, I'd just been looking at it too long or was just in the wrong head space, I needed time away so that my mind could figure it out without my brain getting in the way.
It has to be said, I intellectually knew all of these things before, but the slow and steady reminder was definitely appreciated. I'll remember this time.
Wednesday, 19 April 2017
Not quite in the zone - but getting there
I had a great day yesterday all in all, the best part of course was a uber lovely dinner with my Rocket Booster friend. Which was just what I needed as I did not pass my driving test yesterday. And that's ok.
It wasn't ok for a little while, I almost didn't want to feel better about it because the actual circumstances felt so unfair. But I had to feel better, because I can't live like that - moany and miserable - I tried a long time ago (that'll be in the book) and believe me it didn't work. I just can't stay in that place, I don't have the energy to be miserable all the time, it's exhausting.
The new test has been booked in June, and I will spend precious little time thinking about it. During dinner I was reminded (how could I forget) that going for my Chartership is a big important deal. I'm looking forward to it, I feel proud in advance of receiving it. But what the remembering of that did for me was to remind me that all the things I want seem big and important and life changing when you compare it to other things. And in reality I have already done at least 2 ridiculously big things in my young life that I would hope no one would have to ever be in a position to do.
You know what, none of it is a big deal. I have learnt over and over again that the more you not necessarily minimise things but level things out, circumstances, achievements etc; the less stress / negative energy that you put in that direction. Because we never purposefully sabotage ourselves, but it does seem to happen so much more readily when it's something we really really really (Jesus take the wheel) want it.
I'm not saying I won't want things anymore, that's not possible. But I am going to remind myself more quickly of this feeling - the acknowledgement that this as with all things good or bad shall pass. I am happy if I choose to be, I am excited and focused and successful when I start from a place of relaxation and pliability - like that feeling straight after a massage. Open, clear, in flow.
So open journal reader/me in the future - remind me if I start spinning out again, be like putty, mind and body.
It wasn't ok for a little while, I almost didn't want to feel better about it because the actual circumstances felt so unfair. But I had to feel better, because I can't live like that - moany and miserable - I tried a long time ago (that'll be in the book) and believe me it didn't work. I just can't stay in that place, I don't have the energy to be miserable all the time, it's exhausting.
The new test has been booked in June, and I will spend precious little time thinking about it. During dinner I was reminded (how could I forget) that going for my Chartership is a big important deal. I'm looking forward to it, I feel proud in advance of receiving it. But what the remembering of that did for me was to remind me that all the things I want seem big and important and life changing when you compare it to other things. And in reality I have already done at least 2 ridiculously big things in my young life that I would hope no one would have to ever be in a position to do.
You know what, none of it is a big deal. I have learnt over and over again that the more you not necessarily minimise things but level things out, circumstances, achievements etc; the less stress / negative energy that you put in that direction. Because we never purposefully sabotage ourselves, but it does seem to happen so much more readily when it's something we really really really (Jesus take the wheel) want it.
I'm not saying I won't want things anymore, that's not possible. But I am going to remind myself more quickly of this feeling - the acknowledgement that this as with all things good or bad shall pass. I am happy if I choose to be, I am excited and focused and successful when I start from a place of relaxation and pliability - like that feeling straight after a massage. Open, clear, in flow.
So open journal reader/me in the future - remind me if I start spinning out again, be like putty, mind and body.
Monday, 17 April 2017
Keeping cool vroom vroom
I've got my driving test tomorrow - the second one.
No one knows that it's actually tomorrow - except you lucky people who know I exist online.
All I've told people is that it's this month, maybe 1 or 2 people know it's this week.
Amazingly and somewhat predictably, my friend who broke her leg whilst on holiday skiing had to rearrange our dinner blitz (how I like to refer to it anyway, talk too much too fast, eat really good food, and usually experiment on a new bit of liquor). She said, it's going to have to be April I'm afraid, I said that's fine doll (and I think to myself - of all 30 days she's going to pick that random Tuesday). And of course she did.
And it turns out I was really rather grateful for it. Because she is one of my Rocket boosters as Lisa Nichols calls them - people who bring the good, shine a light, and you can feel safe and open around. And I thought, whatever happens, she will always be down for a giggle, will let me wallow but only for about 15 minutes, and then look onwards and upwards. On the other hand... if tomorrow goes as I expect it will - pass pass pass - she's going to have to skip her pain meds because there will be wine!
No one knows that it's actually tomorrow - except you lucky people who know I exist online.
All I've told people is that it's this month, maybe 1 or 2 people know it's this week.
Amazingly and somewhat predictably, my friend who broke her leg whilst on holiday skiing had to rearrange our dinner blitz (how I like to refer to it anyway, talk too much too fast, eat really good food, and usually experiment on a new bit of liquor). She said, it's going to have to be April I'm afraid, I said that's fine doll (and I think to myself - of all 30 days she's going to pick that random Tuesday). And of course she did.
And it turns out I was really rather grateful for it. Because she is one of my Rocket boosters as Lisa Nichols calls them - people who bring the good, shine a light, and you can feel safe and open around. And I thought, whatever happens, she will always be down for a giggle, will let me wallow but only for about 15 minutes, and then look onwards and upwards. On the other hand... if tomorrow goes as I expect it will - pass pass pass - she's going to have to skip her pain meds because there will be wine!
Sunday, 9 April 2017
And another
I keep getting ideas, I've learned in most cases I should follow them if they make me feel good.
This is the most recent idea.
I have a few personal business ideas that I'm getting underway. I have read, learned, ignored, proven and now accepted that I shouldn't talk about these things to people that aren't ready to hear them - which is most people it seems. Friends / family aren't purposefully raining on my parade, I've learned that you look at things from your own perspective, you assess the new using your own learned history and respond accordingly. So if something feels scary to you, regardless if it has nothing to do with you, you'll exhibit your fear for the other person by trying to steer them away from the possible danger.
Unfortunately, if you the person with the idea hasn't firmed it up in your mind enough or your gut even, then you'll feel downhearted and scared after hearing other peoples perspectives, whereas before you were excited and hopeful. Sometimes you really did need to hear the stop hold on a minute speech, but in my opinion, you have your life and it's your own - as long as you're not purposefully hurting yourself or anyone else, and have made your decisions from a sound mind (not a knee jerk reaction to something) go live it. Obviously you don't want to throw yourself off of figurative or literal bridges without a bungee cord but how many of us really want to do that? Often our ideas are really clear and not risk heavy to us, but they are to so many people, and that's what holds us back.
My latest idea was to write my thoughts up using my pre existing open journal. Because, whilst I know all of the above, I really really really really really like talking and I'm struggling being silent. I used to have many diaries as a child but, I struggle to write pen to paper now (unless it's the gratuity journal at the end of the week). This way feels better to me as I'm effectively talking, and don't need to worry about if it's interesting or not. I get things off of my chest, and if it helps anyone then so be it. If not, that's fine too.
NB. I have, much to my chagrin been told by a very wise woman (Delia) that I should be more vulnerable (I dislike that word passionately due to my interpretation of it), but I understand what she means. It's being fully comfortable being my full me out loud all the time. I'm more me out loud than I have ever been, and when I'm with my closest friends all of me is present and happy, but even as I write this I've had thoughts about removing my picture from the other posts so that I can still stay a little bit hidden. Mad isn't it.
So off I go, another blog page, about me, all of me, and as scary as it is, I'm writing a book about me and if I can't do this, then I can't do that.
This is the most recent idea.
I have a few personal business ideas that I'm getting underway. I have read, learned, ignored, proven and now accepted that I shouldn't talk about these things to people that aren't ready to hear them - which is most people it seems. Friends / family aren't purposefully raining on my parade, I've learned that you look at things from your own perspective, you assess the new using your own learned history and respond accordingly. So if something feels scary to you, regardless if it has nothing to do with you, you'll exhibit your fear for the other person by trying to steer them away from the possible danger.
Unfortunately, if you the person with the idea hasn't firmed it up in your mind enough or your gut even, then you'll feel downhearted and scared after hearing other peoples perspectives, whereas before you were excited and hopeful. Sometimes you really did need to hear the stop hold on a minute speech, but in my opinion, you have your life and it's your own - as long as you're not purposefully hurting yourself or anyone else, and have made your decisions from a sound mind (not a knee jerk reaction to something) go live it. Obviously you don't want to throw yourself off of figurative or literal bridges without a bungee cord but how many of us really want to do that? Often our ideas are really clear and not risk heavy to us, but they are to so many people, and that's what holds us back.
My latest idea was to write my thoughts up using my pre existing open journal. Because, whilst I know all of the above, I really really really really really like talking and I'm struggling being silent. I used to have many diaries as a child but, I struggle to write pen to paper now (unless it's the gratuity journal at the end of the week). This way feels better to me as I'm effectively talking, and don't need to worry about if it's interesting or not. I get things off of my chest, and if it helps anyone then so be it. If not, that's fine too.
NB. I have, much to my chagrin been told by a very wise woman (Delia) that I should be more vulnerable (I dislike that word passionately due to my interpretation of it), but I understand what she means. It's being fully comfortable being my full me out loud all the time. I'm more me out loud than I have ever been, and when I'm with my closest friends all of me is present and happy, but even as I write this I've had thoughts about removing my picture from the other posts so that I can still stay a little bit hidden. Mad isn't it.
So off I go, another blog page, about me, all of me, and as scary as it is, I'm writing a book about me and if I can't do this, then I can't do that.
6 weeks post - baby hair
It feels like I have baby hair. I'm going to take that as a good sign.
On the other side I have found another grey (white) hair today. I don't feel stressed so I imagine it's genetics from the Mr's side. All the men in that side had a triangle of white hair front from a young age and then didn't go fully grey until about 70.
I'd rather not go grey at all to be honest. I do have a good face though so maybe it will be flattering to me like a Rogue look. The white hairs feel good though, they don't feel any weaker or thinner and that's the most important thing.
Rosemary EO is supposed to be the best for grey hair, I'm not exactly sure how, really need to prioritise reading more of the science of black hair book. This is my second read and I'm already understanding more than I did the first time. I think that's what helped me to understand how baggying works.
Deep conditioner wash day today, will add more Rosemary into the hot oil mix, and then add a touch of that mix to the conditioner as well, should make it easier to detangle; although I did pick up my avocado oil that I use on my ends - how did I forget how good that stuff was? I might just add a touch of Rosewood oil again, just to give my hair a little more strengthI'm only doing an 8 week stretch this time so this will be the last shampoo and conditioner. I only use conditioner in the 10 days or so leading up to it.
On the other side I have found another grey (white) hair today. I don't feel stressed so I imagine it's genetics from the Mr's side. All the men in that side had a triangle of white hair front from a young age and then didn't go fully grey until about 70.
I'd rather not go grey at all to be honest. I do have a good face though so maybe it will be flattering to me like a Rogue look. The white hairs feel good though, they don't feel any weaker or thinner and that's the most important thing.
Rosemary EO is supposed to be the best for grey hair, I'm not exactly sure how, really need to prioritise reading more of the science of black hair book. This is my second read and I'm already understanding more than I did the first time. I think that's what helped me to understand how baggying works.
Deep conditioner wash day today, will add more Rosemary into the hot oil mix, and then add a touch of that mix to the conditioner as well, should make it easier to detangle; although I did pick up my avocado oil that I use on my ends - how did I forget how good that stuff was? I might just add a touch of Rosewood oil again, just to give my hair a little more strengthI'm only doing an 8 week stretch this time so this will be the last shampoo and conditioner. I only use conditioner in the 10 days or so leading up to it.
Saturday, 8 April 2017
Baggying for moisture
Baggying is something that I have seen on many a blog for years now, and yet for some reason I just never paid any attention to it. Maybe it was because I wasn't sure when it would be appropriate to do it. As with most new fantastic products, they're probably great but if you use it at the wrong time, when your hair isn't ready, then you're not going to get the right results.
Baggying is when you put a shower cap or sealed plastic bag over your freshly moisturised but unsealed hair in order to keep the moisture in. I think it goes a little deeper than that actually, or at least for me any way.
I used to use mane n tail detangler religiously. At first I used to put way too much on because I was impatient, I eventually realised by accident (distracting phone call) that when you put it on and leave it to work - not immediately trying to comb or finger comb your hair - then the hair is actually much more agreeable, I didn't have to fight with it nearly as much and didn't have to use as much detangler.
The same applies to my standard leave in (water and conditioner mix in spray bottle with essential oils). My night process was to spray some the hair and scalp - I don't oil my scalp - and then finger comb, apply hair oil sealer and style for bed. This works fine at the beginning of my stretch, I don't need as much leave in or sealer. But at the end of the stretch, it just doesn't work, leaving me frustrated and running my hands through my hair too quickly, pulling out hair's from the fragile demarcation line. So I end up using more and more leave in, leaving me with wet hair, and then it's so wet you feel like it needs to dry a little before putting the oil on. As a night time routine, this gets really annoying as my hair is at this stage for about a month.
With baggying however I've found that giving my roots, scalp, and ends a nice light spray when I come home in the evening, putting the shower cap on while I cook, read, meditate; by the time it's time for my night time routine, you can feel the moisture is on the inside of the hair rather than just sitting on the outside. My tight and rough roots are flexible without feeling weak like that over moisturised feeling.
I don't have a lot of time in the evenings as I work pretty far away from home so the shower cap is only on for just under 2 hours. Even when I had a couple of evenings out this week, I still got the benefit from only keeping it on for 30 minutes while I showered and got ready for bed.
I am also using a small amount of protein every other night though - during the sealing process, I believe that keeps the balance.
Some people manage to baggy overnight, I have no idea how, after the 90 minute mark my scalp screams give me air! But if it works then it works, it's probably a little different if you have a lot of natural hair. I've also seen some worries that it would cause the hair to smell, I haven't had experience of that personally, smell as far as I know is caused by bacteria, the essential oils in my leave in and sealer put a stop to that pretty darn quick.
I'm really looking forward to seeing the growth in a couple of weeks when I relax again. I haven't worn my hair down once since February, but my friend had commented that it looked like it had grown. It probably just looked healthier / thicker as result of all the new growth and moisture that's in side the hair, but I do believe/hope that I have retained more hair this stretch. I won't be trimming again until the early Autumn. I went from 1 trim a year to 2 trims for the past 2 years and I really think that's part of the reason why I haven't seen much improvement, about an inch left me each time. I hardly ever have split ends but my hair does grow at different speeds all over my head so that would be the reason why it was levelled out quite so severely.
Pretty big breakthrough for me, it might have seemed obvious but sometimes you have to learn for yourself.
Baggying is when you put a shower cap or sealed plastic bag over your freshly moisturised but unsealed hair in order to keep the moisture in. I think it goes a little deeper than that actually, or at least for me any way.
I used to use mane n tail detangler religiously. At first I used to put way too much on because I was impatient, I eventually realised by accident (distracting phone call) that when you put it on and leave it to work - not immediately trying to comb or finger comb your hair - then the hair is actually much more agreeable, I didn't have to fight with it nearly as much and didn't have to use as much detangler.
The same applies to my standard leave in (water and conditioner mix in spray bottle with essential oils). My night process was to spray some the hair and scalp - I don't oil my scalp - and then finger comb, apply hair oil sealer and style for bed. This works fine at the beginning of my stretch, I don't need as much leave in or sealer. But at the end of the stretch, it just doesn't work, leaving me frustrated and running my hands through my hair too quickly, pulling out hair's from the fragile demarcation line. So I end up using more and more leave in, leaving me with wet hair, and then it's so wet you feel like it needs to dry a little before putting the oil on. As a night time routine, this gets really annoying as my hair is at this stage for about a month.
With baggying however I've found that giving my roots, scalp, and ends a nice light spray when I come home in the evening, putting the shower cap on while I cook, read, meditate; by the time it's time for my night time routine, you can feel the moisture is on the inside of the hair rather than just sitting on the outside. My tight and rough roots are flexible without feeling weak like that over moisturised feeling.
I don't have a lot of time in the evenings as I work pretty far away from home so the shower cap is only on for just under 2 hours. Even when I had a couple of evenings out this week, I still got the benefit from only keeping it on for 30 minutes while I showered and got ready for bed.
I am also using a small amount of protein every other night though - during the sealing process, I believe that keeps the balance.
Some people manage to baggy overnight, I have no idea how, after the 90 minute mark my scalp screams give me air! But if it works then it works, it's probably a little different if you have a lot of natural hair. I've also seen some worries that it would cause the hair to smell, I haven't had experience of that personally, smell as far as I know is caused by bacteria, the essential oils in my leave in and sealer put a stop to that pretty darn quick.
I'm really looking forward to seeing the growth in a couple of weeks when I relax again. I haven't worn my hair down once since February, but my friend had commented that it looked like it had grown. It probably just looked healthier / thicker as result of all the new growth and moisture that's in side the hair, but I do believe/hope that I have retained more hair this stretch. I won't be trimming again until the early Autumn. I went from 1 trim a year to 2 trims for the past 2 years and I really think that's part of the reason why I haven't seen much improvement, about an inch left me each time. I hardly ever have split ends but my hair does grow at different speeds all over my head so that would be the reason why it was levelled out quite so severely.
Pretty big breakthrough for me, it might have seemed obvious but sometimes you have to learn for yourself.
Sunday, 2 April 2017
5 weeks post
I'm 5 week post relaxer now. I do believe I have sped up the growth process with Rosemary oil. It's the reason why this week has been so hard.
My hair was drinking water like as if it's life depended on it. I think I just got caught out with the warmer weather and strength of the curl.
I did remember that I had a rescue conditioner - Conceived by Nature. Who don't seem to make much but the one bottle I have tried I am always so very thankful for. I use this roughly this time every stretch, I don't know why I completely forgot it was their until I was about to put my normal conditioner in.
My hair was drinking water like as if it's life depended on it. I think I just got caught out with the warmer weather and strength of the curl.
I did remember that I had a rescue conditioner - Conceived by Nature. Who don't seem to make much but the one bottle I have tried I am always so very thankful for. I use this roughly this time every stretch, I don't know why I completely forgot it was their until I was about to put my normal conditioner in.
Before I remembered I had it I was just going to add some oil and Calendula EO to my Green people Conditioner, I think I'll do that next time. I'm really trying to treat the 2 different versions of my hair differently, (fresh relaxed vs curly at the roots, straight in the middle frizzy at the ends petulant hair). It's the frizzy at the ends part that annoys me the most, because it's not split ends, they're just dry. I just let my hair get much too dry for whatever reason.
I'm going to give baggying a try, I'm currently doing a bit of the reverse by putting a loose satin du-rag on with a shower cap on top. I'm drying my hair but not too much. In a little while I'll take the shower cap off and leave the slightly thick satin du-rag on before I start my nightly routine. Then I'll think I'll just baggy it in the evenings while I'm reading/eating etc. Especially during this end of stretch part. I probably won't need to do it often at the beginning of my stretch.
I do think I'll have to re purchase some Avocado oil and try using that as a detangler as it's quite a dry oil but very penetrating. I put the oil that I used as my pre poo on the ends before air drying, I'm hoping that together with the baggying and that amazing conditioner will get it back to normal. Plus maybe a quick spray or 2 of protein before sealing as well.
Saturday, 25 March 2017
Thin to Thick - Hey JASON...
I have found that some conditioners that are supposed to provide protein are really just light touch detanglers. JASON Thin to Thick is not one of those.
I wanted to give myself a few days after doing a co-wash with it before writing. At first I felt like it just made my new growth soft and that was nice but nothing to write home about. As the days went on though, my usually fine hair just felt fat for want of a better word. It felt like I had about double the amount of hair on my head.
By the 4th day I realise that actually my hair now needs significantly more moisture than it usually does. That's on me rather than JASON, where I thought it may just be a light tough protein conditioner I used it when my hair only needed a top up of protein. This is much more like a reconstructor.
I am pleased with it, but I think the next time I use it I'll have to follow it up with a moisturising conditioner for balance, or alternatively add a couple of drops of Calendula essential oil when applying. Calendula is seriously moisturising - I only use it when I'm in real need like when I've had a bad cold for a week and haven't been able to wash my hair. Over moisturising can be as bad if not worse than over loading hair with protein.
I only got the Conditioner but they also do a Shampoo, a Scalp Elixir, and a Volume Spray. Using this really reminded me about timing with hair. I'm much better at listening to my hair now but maybe I was a bit too eager to use my new sparkling product. I'll do better.
This weekend I'll do another hot oil scalp massage before my deep condition. My hair is getting rally curly now so I really need to spend more time detangling gently, it's so easy at night to just want to get through it, put on my head tie and get on with my meditation.
I wanted to give myself a few days after doing a co-wash with it before writing. At first I felt like it just made my new growth soft and that was nice but nothing to write home about. As the days went on though, my usually fine hair just felt fat for want of a better word. It felt like I had about double the amount of hair on my head.
By the 4th day I realise that actually my hair now needs significantly more moisture than it usually does. That's on me rather than JASON, where I thought it may just be a light tough protein conditioner I used it when my hair only needed a top up of protein. This is much more like a reconstructor.
I am pleased with it, but I think the next time I use it I'll have to follow it up with a moisturising conditioner for balance, or alternatively add a couple of drops of Calendula essential oil when applying. Calendula is seriously moisturising - I only use it when I'm in real need like when I've had a bad cold for a week and haven't been able to wash my hair. Over moisturising can be as bad if not worse than over loading hair with protein.
I only got the Conditioner but they also do a Shampoo, a Scalp Elixir, and a Volume Spray. Using this really reminded me about timing with hair. I'm much better at listening to my hair now but maybe I was a bit too eager to use my new sparkling product. I'll do better.
This weekend I'll do another hot oil scalp massage before my deep condition. My hair is getting rally curly now so I really need to spend more time detangling gently, it's so easy at night to just want to get through it, put on my head tie and get on with my meditation.
Tuesday, 28 February 2017
Introduction
Having undergone a dramatic "only natural products kick" 3 years ago, I think I've now gotten to the point where my hair is really decently healthy. It has grown during that time but mostly the last 3 years have been a process of growing out the really bad hair. Now it's time for the real journey.
I've been looking at blog's on and off and doing lots of my own study, but recently hair care / growth has not been a priority. I don't think I gave up as such, it was just a lonely place really especially as very few people I know are as into hair as I am, much less diy hair, and then the much much less to non existent - not a weave / wig wearer.
Just to make the point up front, I have nothing against wig's or weaves. Most of them look absolutely stunning, and then there's the obvious fact that tucking your hair away in those long winter months will really help. I just don't like them on myself. I used to wear a lot of clip in ponytails back in the day, which then of course ate at my hair line something horrid. But I just can't get over the idea of A, not being able to feel my own hair everyday or B, wearing a wig knowing that if the wind blows I'll be at best self conscious.
So what's a girl to do? This year was the only of the 3 years that I didn't see the noticeable hair growth I was expecting on after trim day (Christmas time - once a year because of an unintellectual phobia). Now in February I realised that that part of the journey was over, and actually yes, this length is nice and manageable (framing the face) but actually, I want long hair, I've always wanted long hair. Not crazy long just a decent bra strap length.
But how do I do it? Who do I talk to about it?
I again looked on line and found a few blogs or chat rooms last updated in 2008, all American so using primarily American products and - things are different in different weather. I have a good hair dresser who is a good friend but she is much more fond of weaves and wigs. So, on one blistery Saturday morning I thought I'll write a blog, I'll learn with me, and I can remember the things that went well and not so well. And if there is anyone else out there thinking like me, maybe we can learn together.
Welcome, enjoy, sit back, lean in, comment, learn, teach, grow with me.
I've been looking at blog's on and off and doing lots of my own study, but recently hair care / growth has not been a priority. I don't think I gave up as such, it was just a lonely place really especially as very few people I know are as into hair as I am, much less diy hair, and then the much much less to non existent - not a weave / wig wearer.
Just to make the point up front, I have nothing against wig's or weaves. Most of them look absolutely stunning, and then there's the obvious fact that tucking your hair away in those long winter months will really help. I just don't like them on myself. I used to wear a lot of clip in ponytails back in the day, which then of course ate at my hair line something horrid. But I just can't get over the idea of A, not being able to feel my own hair everyday or B, wearing a wig knowing that if the wind blows I'll be at best self conscious.
So what's a girl to do? This year was the only of the 3 years that I didn't see the noticeable hair growth I was expecting on after trim day (Christmas time - once a year because of an unintellectual phobia). Now in February I realised that that part of the journey was over, and actually yes, this length is nice and manageable (framing the face) but actually, I want long hair, I've always wanted long hair. Not crazy long just a decent bra strap length.
But how do I do it? Who do I talk to about it?
I again looked on line and found a few blogs or chat rooms last updated in 2008, all American so using primarily American products and - things are different in different weather. I have a good hair dresser who is a good friend but she is much more fond of weaves and wigs. So, on one blistery Saturday morning I thought I'll write a blog, I'll learn with me, and I can remember the things that went well and not so well. And if there is anyone else out there thinking like me, maybe we can learn together.
Welcome, enjoy, sit back, lean in, comment, learn, teach, grow with me.
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