Not quite in the zone - but getting there

I had a great day yesterday all in all, the best part of course was a uber lovely dinner with my Rocket Booster friend. Which was just what I needed as I did not pass my driving test yesterday. And that's ok.

It wasn't ok for a little while, I almost didn't want to feel better about it because the actual circumstances felt so unfair. But I had to feel better, because I can't live like that - moany and miserable - I tried a long time ago (that'll be in the book) and believe me it didn't work. I just can't stay in that place, I don't have the energy to be miserable all the time, it's exhausting.

The new test has been booked in June, and I will spend precious little time thinking about it. During dinner I was reminded (how could I forget) that going for my Chartership is a big important deal. I'm looking forward to it, I feel proud in advance of receiving it. But what the remembering of that did for me was to remind me that all the things I want seem big and important and life changing when you compare it to other things. And in reality I have already done at least 2 ridiculously big things in my young life that I would hope no one would have to ever be in a position to do.

You know what, none of it is a big deal. I have learnt over and over again that the more you not necessarily minimise things but level things out, circumstances, achievements etc; the less stress / negative energy that you put in that direction. Because we never purposefully sabotage ourselves, but it does seem to happen so much more readily when it's something we really really really (Jesus take the wheel) want it.

I'm not saying I won't want things anymore, that's not possible. But I am going to remind myself more quickly of this feeling - the acknowledgement that this as with all things good or bad shall pass. I am happy if I choose to be, I am excited and focused and successful when I start from a place of relaxation and pliability - like that feeling straight after a massage. Open, clear, in flow.

So open journal reader/me in the future - remind me if I start spinning out again, be like putty, mind and body.