Shampoo-less regime

About a month ago or so, I over moisturised my hair. I thought I'd use that mess up as a good excuse to try the shampoo-less regime so as to lesson the amount of water interaction my hair had.

This is where you only wash your hair with conditioner either 100% of your wash days or most of them. My usual regime was, shampoo and deep con on a sunday (with a oil prepoo in the second half of my stretch), and a co wash on a Wednesday. I changed this to full shampoo and deep con every 2 weeks, and the rest of the time just conditioner.

In summary - it didn't work out for me. It might just be because I've got fine hair or that it's relaxed, but it just wasn't having it.

It's definitely quicker, and at first  your hair definitely doesn't feel like it needs a day to bounce back after the wash, but over the weeks it does build up - even with the shampoo every two weeks.

I also use natural shampoo and conditioner so that may have played a part in why it all built up on me. I just wasn't expecting it as I rarely put silicone in my hair and if I do it's neat so I can see the exact amount.

But, on Saturday, having done this for about 5 weeks, my hair just wasn't playing ball. I put the leave in in which is primarily water, and it just couldn't get to the strands. So yes, my hair had build up and yet my scalp was so dry, every day I felt like I had to put more and more water on.

Really pleased I did it though, as at least I know I can go without shampoo for a week if I needed to.

I have now at this late stage in my life, made a firm decision to use one set of shampoo and conditioner at the beginning of the stretch and a different one at the end. I for some really weird reason, was only using that second set when my hair became too tough to handle, rather than using it as prevention so that it wouldn't become too difficult to handle. Perspective and hindsight.

Beginning of the stretch shampoo and conditioner

Ending 4 weeks of the stretch shampoo and conditioner - Rosemary

I was scared today

For those of you who haven't realised already, I'm a hippy. I actually prefer the title mini hippy, but hippy nonetheless.

I believe in the law of attraction and the power of our own minds. I believe we are all essentially the same at our core, even if our actions betray that fact. I believe in healthy selfishness because you can't give from an empty cup, and depleting yourself does nothing to aid the collective. My belief has helped me tremendously with past traumas and self development.

With all of the new things I'm doing, I've had to get strong with affirmations, and firmly keep my mouth shut when I want to repeat old ways and surreptitiously beg for approval or permission in my endeavours. I have been paying attention to my emotions, and listening to my body when something does or doesn't feel right and it has gotten me so far I couldn't be more thankful if I tried.

When this whole thing (Happy Empire/Relaxed in London) began in February ish. I had to make the decision to not read certain posts and turn off the radio when it got too painful. It was the whole Trump thing. It was everywhere and people were so scared for months, it just didn't stop. It was really getting to me. So I limited my access to social media and stopped looking at anything at all for a week and really helped.

Keeping an eye on your emotions and subsequent stray thoughts can seem like a full time job, but you become so much more sensitive to it as time goes on.

The past 2 weeks have been exceptionally busy, primarily with the day job. I even had one of those random 4 day colds where you get one symptom that lasts for 6 hours before the next one comes along. I haven't worked on Gem Stone Love this week at all really other than to confirm my logo. But I was tired, and I was down, and then I woke up on Tuesday morning to the news that we suffered another attack, this time in Manchester.

It hit me hard, there was so many babies, probably at their first concert, up till that point the best day of their lives. Some are gone, and the others still with us are in pain. It will reverberate for a while and you have no idea how the effects of that night will show up on those children's lives as they grow to be adults. I was sickened.

Life for me had to go on though, so I meditated and kept them in my heart and had to go on about my week. I used my beliefs as always to help me, but I didn't do so well. With the tiredness and the ridiculous workload as well, my defences just weren't cutting it. I was listening to the radio, watching the video's, staying up step with the several scares after that night. And today about lunch time I realised I was scared.

I take public transport to go home, I go through 2 major stations and have seen the ramp up in police presence. I was scared. And I was shocked to realise I was. But I'm glad I admitted it to myself because then I could deal with it. I got myself a treat, walked in the sunshine, listened to several hours of Katt Williams stand up, and forced myself to find some really good things that had happened this week.

And maybe most importantly, went back to the basis of mindfulness - my version of it anyway, I went deep. By deep I mean I literally say what I am doing as I'm doing it, as it's the fastest and most immediate way to stop my mind from spinning. For example, I am walking to the bathroom, I lay down the toilet paper on the seat, I unzip my shorts, I am assuming the position, I feel relieved, I wipe, I stand, I redress, I flush, I wash hands, I dry hands, I smile at myself in the mirror.

I hope other people have/will find there way to get through this again. My heart as always goes out to the loves who were left behind with a hole that can't be filled. The only positive thing to come out of an incident that addresses mortality is that it should remind you that you too have a time. So in the time that you have, don't waste it worrying, being someone you're not, just waiting to live. I won't be. I'm going to live, and I'll bloody well enjoy it too.

The gripped ponytail - handle with care

I used to live in ponytails. Back in the day when I was still very unconfident about my hair, and had no idea how to style or take care of it. Everyone either had longer looser curled hair that was much easier to just fling in one, or wore weaves, so I didn't have much variety to get ideas from.

So when it came to any kind of 'going out out' the decision for how to do my hair was "which ponytail to put on?" Not how do I style it. I had quite a range, and I always wore them well. I wore them well, my hair line did not. My hair line was not a fan of ponytails. The ends of my hair that I put in a strangle hold hair band was not a fan of the ponytails.

I could get quite obviously why my hair line suffered. But I didn't know what to do about the ends of my hair - I was young and not nearly as well read on the subject as I am now. The ends of my hair suffered because I was tucking them in after the forth tie around. I also didn't realise the importance of making sure the hair I was putting under stress - where the band met the hair, should be even more cared for. Because it wasn't seen, I didn't think I needed to do anything with it.

Yesterday I went to an amazing fancy dress party as Uhura from Star Trek. I have exactly 1 ponytail in my possession that I've only worn 3 times in 3 years, 2 of those at fancy dress (first one was catwoman - I looked fantastic and it had nothing to do with the hair...).

This time though, I have learnt, thoroughly what I'm supposed to be doing when I use a ponytail. I made sure to soften up and massage my scalp all over, paying particular attention to my temples. I dampened my whole head with my leave in conditioner, not dripping, but enough for you to feel it. Then I worked on the banded area, re moisturising that section and my natural ponytail to the end. I added just a spray of protein, and sealed my whole head of hair. Adding a little extra oil to the banded area and ends. I also put oil on the hair band for good measure.

I left the ends out, rather than tucking them in and put my gripped pony tail on as usual. When I took it off last night (this morning) I quickly loosened the band, and added a touch more water and oil to the banded area, ends and temple (with a quick massage to the temple as I could feel the pull even though I was careful). Then wrapped my head and somehow managed to sleep while the younger ones were still enjoying drunken karaoke in the living room.

This morning, a touch more water and oil to the hair in general and my hair is fine. Once upon a time, my hair after a ponytail night felt like straw. Not any more.

The last 7 days

Have been a whirlwind. Seriously, every morning I woke up thinking. What day is it? Why is it this day? How is it not Saturday yet?

It wasn't a bad week it was actually a very productive week. This is what I did.

• Bought my birthday dress
• Drew my wireframe for my website
• Took pictures of all my stock - surprisingly exhausting
• Created a stock index, and all of my bookkeeping excels
• Sent my first stock item to a friend who loved wuvved it

• Decided that I couldn't build the website to the standards I envisioned and sent out a work order
• Created an Instagram account (yes I never actually had one)
• Interviewed several web designers to see who fits
• Got thrashed at netball
• Paid for my birthday booking which is being entirely organised by my friend so literally don't have to think about it again for weeks
• Decided on a web designer one who I am very happy with
• Listened in to a webinar where I realised my Chartership will be even harder to get if not near impossible. Figures but I don't feel like it's gone, so I will continue as planned until I feel certain of otherwise
• Got a free lift to the station from a neighbour whom I had never met previously
• Got some great feedback for a piece of work I did in the day job
• Tried on my dress - see this blog post
• Got lovely feedback from my friend about this very blog, she didn't know it was me until she realised it sounded like me talking
• Asked for a partial refund from my original diy web team and got a full one
• Registered my company with HMRC
• Opened a business bank account
• Wrote 3 blog posts
• Got through several pages of Abundance now
• Made a start on writing copy for my website

And now back to the day job, and to think I chose this life.

Follow me if you'd like Instagram @gemstonelondon   Twitter @gemstonelondon

Over moisturising

It is possible to over moisturise black hair. I've done it before and like a fool I did it again.

About 2 weeks ago my hair was perfectly protein and moisture balanced, had I paid attention to this I would have taken note and realised that I should have used a little moisturising conditioner and a little protein conditioner as I don't have any premixes.

I didn't and it left my hair feeling gummy and was way over-stretchy. It's ok now though, due to a adding protein, every night and really taking time with my hair - I got over it without too much breakage.

And now I can do the baggying again - why do I love this so much? It's nuts but it works, putting that moisture on and sealing it in to steam with my shower cap works wonders for making my hair soft. Then I put the protein in right before I seal.

In fact when my hair was balanced a few weeks ago, I left the baggy on with a durag to slow air dry it. Usually I put a bit of oil on the ends to stop frizzing but I just didn't need to at all. Will have to remember that.

Here's to the shower cap!

Self worth

This week was a busy one, I'll go into it on Monday's blog.

My friend whom I've known for nearly half of my life is planning my 30th birthday party. I've invited everyone I like and am close to in one way or another.

My birthday has always been special for me, mostly due to the fact that I taught myself to purposefully celebrate it. Growing up it there was cake and cards but no real joy on my birthday, it was necessary. {thus why I'm writing a book, although it's not about them, it's about me}.

The only full birthday party I can remember having was when I was 11 and invited nearly everyone in my class.
As an adult I have separate mini celebrations with my loves, lunches, dinners, movie nights, and beach visits. This year I'm going to Jamaica, been in the planning for years and I have 2 friends coming with me.

Top left is me, top right (younger filter), bottom left (old filter), bottom right (man filter). Just for giggles lol

The party is taking place before I go away, we'll be in lovely Tiki huts outside (crossing fingers for good weather). I'm expecting about 20 people to eat and the rest will be coming and going as they please.

This is a big deal, I've never had everyone in one place before, and frantically started looking for an outfit to make me look and feel fabulous. Having selected the dress and it being delivered, I tried it on at work so that my friend could see. She approved heartily, I took it home to see for myself as I had no mirror in my work boardroom, but I was so busy I didn't get to see it on myself for a week.

A tried it on and looked in the mirror. And was pleasantly surprised, I looked beautiful and relaxed, and  more than a little bit luxurious. I was happy. The moment I realised how stunning but simple the dress itself was though I started having thoughts like "maybe it's a bit over the top? I'll only be eating and drinking in it. It's going to draw way too much attention. Maybe I should just get a quieter dress"

I wanted to hide.

I haven't felt that feeling in a long long time. I'm an extravert that grew up introverted thanks to my surroundings. Think of the reverse, forcing an introvert into the centre of a room to sing and dance.
Years it took me to brush all of that muck and psychological abuse off my shoulders, and yet my birthday weeks (I celebrate over the whole summer) is the one time where if I have what would be a normally stressful / bad day, there it is - the ability to make me feel small, unloved, a problem, something to be hidden.

No one is treating me like that anymore, I made sure of it. But I have a memory, and whilst I don't purposefully think about those times, they were apart of my life so my brain will function exactly like everyone else's does and plays SNAP - you remember this? or how about this?.

I'm wearing the dress. Or something similar as it is quite warm so I don't want to boil myself on a Saturday afternoon. The blessing with that moment looking in the mirror is that it didn't last long, maybe 1 or 2 minutes. And I realised for the thousandth time just how far I had come. How rare those moments are, how quickly they dissipate under the strength of my recovered character and integrity.

I have been going through the process of becoming a whole person for 8 years. I think I could officially call myself an adult about 2 years ago. I love being me, just the other day I was saying to my friend if I had £1,200 (precise I know) I could just give all of my clothes to charity because they don't feel like me. I wear them because I bought them, and I don't buy clothes regularly because I find the process distressing, long limbs, big boobs, no arse, broad shoulders.

I wonder if it was distressing because I was buying the wrong clothes? Acceptable clothes, normal clothes. I'll make a promise to myself to buy only MY clothes from now on.

Grey Hair

Apparently no one knows why we get grey hair or more accurately, why we stop producing the melanin that gives hair it's colour.

The old wives tale of it being related to stress has yet to be proven. I can fully believe however that a stressed individual will possibly be exhibiting behaviours that aren't conducive to 'normal' hair growth like not eating well, smoking etc. But the idea that it's a direct link still is a bit far for me. Primarily because I have grey hair.

I've counted a grand total of 5 'white' hairs. One really long mama, one about an inch, and the rest are in my temple hair. All of which are in the same front left quadrant of my head. Friends can't see anything from the back. When I first told my niece (same age as me) that I had them about a year ago just casually in conversation, she was stunned and thought I must be super stressed. I'm not, and I wasn't. If my hair colour was directly related to my stress levels I would have had a full head of white hair when I was 21.

Biologically, my fathers side all had grey hair in a front quadrant from what I imagine was a relatively young age, 40 ish. My issue is, when should we actually expect to get grey hair? Does anyone even no anymore? I had a couple of grey hairs coming and going since I was about 16. I've never dyed my hair, but a lot of young girls do obviously. Could more people be getting grey hair in their 20's and we just don't know because we artificially change our hair in one way or another all the time?

There was a lady on the train with her son yesterday, she must have been 37 at a high push. She had a good inch of grey roots showing against dyed brown hair. And I thought, lets just say she's a normal every day person who is relatively healthy, if she really has gone fully grey, are most people grey? Or at least is it much more common at a much earlier age than we actually know?

As far as I know it doesn't seem to be a problem for men, they look distinguished as they get older. I don't know what men think of women with grey hair, surely if your face and your general mannerisms still reflect your age (or the age you feel), how much of a big deal is it? And also how you wear your hair as well. My white hairs are still good quality hairs so my hair styles still rock, is it that some people's grey hair loses it's manageability or is it that people give up caring for their hair in the same way once it goes grey? thus then making you old (the rusty dusty kind not my granny still looks amazing in her church dress and wig kind).

I have a lot of questions as you can tell. I don't know if I'll ever get answers for them. I've never been drawn to dying my hair and it doesn't entice me now, always a possibility that could change in the future but I like to think it won't, mostly because I don't know if my fine hair can take a relaxer as well as hair dye.

Also it isn't lost on me that age and aging keeps popping in my head with my milestone birthday coming up. I like to think as long as people keep getting my age wrong in both directions, I'm probably doing ok.

Mrs K's Eczema cream

I was so happy when my friend said that her mum wanted me to make more of this for her.

I do do my research but I am not trained in any certified sense so to know that this worked for her felt amazing. She had bad eczema on her ears for as long as she could remember, it was so dry her ears were constantly cracking and bleeding. She never were her hair down and had tried every prescribed cream and ointment she could get. She lives in New York so I imagine they have much more available for cosmetic help than we do. Her eczema is also much worse than anything I have, so making something cosmetically medicinal for someone else was a challenge.

This she said was the only thing that worked. She's now left with pink ears, no cracking no bleeding. Applied at night mostly as it's oily, this little pot lasted her 4 months. She'll be coming to the UK soon so I will be making her some more fresh from the pot then ❤

50 ml tub

• 2g Beeswax
• 11g Aloe Butter
• 12g Coconut oil (virgin obvs)
• 5g Vitamin E oil
• 13g Jojoba oil
• 2 drop Lavender Essential Oil
• 1 drop Cedarwood EO
• 1 drop Rose EO

Unfortunately she didn't take a before and after picture, my friend just gets to see live progress over Skype and reports back to me. She has asked if it's possible to make it slightly less oily next time, but doesn't want me to sacrifice any of the good stuff that makes it work. I would like to put in some Cyclomethicone but she's so sensitive I'm not even sure if that will work out. Maybe I'll just swap the Jojoba out for Avocado oil as it's drier. I'll figure it out I'm sure.

PS. If you have any questions about this stuff or just want to pick my brain, just write in the comments, I'll reply.

Charley x

Retract to expand

Feeling good with this latest realisation. As you know I embarked on a number of different projects after I got out of my funk at the beginning of the year. Enough projects to make sure I have no idea how to do them all and therefore stops me obsessing entirely about any single one.

Now it seems I have gotten to a relatively stable point where I can with good faith and no sense of remorse shelve some. I've put 3 of the original 8 projects on hold, swapped some and added others. I'm glad it all happened this way though. I very much believe that if I didn't have all of these ideas, they wouldn't have lead me to the other projects that would stick right now. I'm really grateful for them giving me a new perspective from where I stood, because all of these things didn't come into my head at once, it was drip drip drip. And I ran with all of them, what did I have to lose.

So now I'm left with the following that make up the happy empire

• Relaxed in London blog (all 3 pages)
• Writing the book - The book, the one people have been nudging me to write since I was 21
• Chartership - becoming a Chartered Project Manager, I shiver with the wonderfulness of it all
• Gem Stone Love - the baby project that some how took over my every waking thought - it's a good thing I have other things to do. But this will pun intended - be the gem in the empire
• Stakeholder Management - reading the book. Really interesting actually, you would imagine it to be as boring as dishwater but the writer has a lovely tone and lightness to it all thank goodness. This also counts towards my continual personal development hours for the chartership as well so win win.
• Volunteering with the Association for Project Management, will again help with the chartership, hopefully just surrounding myself in the community will help to inspire me and keep me going
• 'Flow' maintenance. Books / podcasts / audiobooks to help me on my way and keep me on track. The current 'Flow' is Abundance Now by Lisa Nichols. / Yoga mindfulness and comedy podcasts / Search inside yourself by Chade-Meng Tan audiobook.

And I still work 40 hours a week, with a minimum of 15 hours travelling time. I promise I am of sound mind and body, that's what the 'Flow' part is all about after all.  I also have to prepare for my 2 week holiday in July - it really isn't as far away as you might think, I got my injections done just last week, and now my beautiful friend whilst on medication offered to organise my 30th birthday celebration. Seeing as I'll actually be on holiday when the day comes.

I'm busy, but it feels so good. I got back to work this week after my week off feeling genuinely refreshed; I was working on the empire every day, every single day. It may not have been a full 8 hours chained to my laptop and a pack of wotsits. But I wasn't on holiday somewhere, I was working, on me and for me and it felt good, really really good. Especially when I compare it to the days of not so long ago where if I wasn't out with friends, I was watching tv or reading. None of those things are bad but I watched far too much tv for someone who had all of these dreams and wants. And I never went back to work feeling refreshed after the tv marathon, I'd just feel tired, and bored.

This week at work was so busy my line manager pulled me aside before I could get to my emails on Monday to warn me that my diary is likely to change. How sweet is that? and change it did, drastically and for the next 3 months, just like that. And with all of that, I was still pining after doing my empire work. Because it doesn't tire me, and weirdly having that not tire makes work not as tiring either. Something profound and psychological in there I'm sure.

It's not to say I don't do all of what people think of as fun anymore, I still watch tv, but maybe only 2 episodes a week (drastic for some people I'm aware) but I just really focused on the tv that actually gave me something and added to my life, and none of it is educational btw. I still read obviously, and I still see my friends. I even feel more flexible now in seeing my friends because I don't feel so exhausted after work in the week. There is time for everything, and really I should know, I'm inefficiency's arch nemesis after all.