29 ish

Not going to lie to you, this week was hard. Almost like as if the world knew I was trying to get to the next level in my own personal and psychological development and it just kept saying "are you sure, how about this?" Like walking on stilts while the ground is shaking, I strode.

I'm genuinely proud of myself, every single day there was something new and ridiculous for me to breathe about and then handle like a woman. And I blinking did, every last damn one of those things. All the way from a near technical calamity to untimely delays with the business, to just the most annoying and time consuming irritancies to deal with in the day job, to the emotional turmoil of having to actively not deal with a friend who is struggling because you know your 'help' makes them worse, makes them dependent, lets them continue being submissively controlling,  and makes you not reach as far or as fast for what you want in you're life because you're afraid you won't be around to be a 'good friend' to them.

I did it all, I dealt with it all and I am so thankful. And I am so scared. Everything I do from this point onwards is to make room for the life I want. I couldn't go back to how things used to be even if I tried. There's a peaceful surrender in that, now all I need to do is work on the new normal. And even then 'work' seems like too strong of a word. It feels like the new normal exists and I just need to accept and relax into it.

Like yesterday, it was my 30th birthday party, which is 2 weeks before my actual birthday but I'll be on holiday so only right I celebrate with everyone now. It was great. I laughed a lot. I saw and had fun with really good people, I'm very thankful I have the friends and family I do.

I am 29 ish and I have only just begun.

My next post(s) will be from a different continent. See you then.

These books are helping

I'm glad I'm reading / listening to the books I am. They pretty much fall into two counts, business or personal growth. When I have a good list I'll post it here as there are some goodies I'm looking forward to in July.

And weirdly when I listen to books I like to listen to them twice through. Means I get all of the information, I also play them faster than their standard speed so that 8 hours goes slightly quicker throughout the week. Maximising that time!

One of the things the books have told me is that whatever I thought my initial spend would be - treble it. In my case treble plus a bit. And it's not just because of the website, but I was getting that little whisper at the back of my mind about the stock.

I bought the original stock I did (keyrings) because everyone has keys, and if the supplier turned out to be dodgy, then I love keyings and I have presents to give for a few years. The original plan for Gem Stone Love was to quietly sell them from ebay and Amazon and get a little pocket money, but things changed.

I don't mean it had a runaway scope, things really changed, all of a sudden I realised how much it could align with my life values and the ways it could expand into a holistic living hub. And so I started building everything else around the holistic living hub mindset, which is fantastic and feels so right. It was only last week during my marathon phone call with my friend that I realised I needed to widen my stock pool. The stock I had didn't synergise with my overall offering.

I didn't go out and spend several thousand pounds, but I did get a couple of items of jewellery and most importantly Tumblestones. Tumblestones are where everyone starts on their crystal discovery and I was only selling them in keyring form. That didn't sit with me. I only told my marathon phone friend that I was buying more stock because I knew no one else would understand, and even she was mildly disconcerted at the overall amount I've spent now.

I'm glad I listened to myself. The website is very nearly ready, I'll just have to do the usual neatening and choosing what to display for the launch, but I'm excited. Exactly one month until the launch and my baby is born - it does feel like my baby - yes I know, I don't have children and yes you can laugh.

Hair oil change

So I decided that Cocoa Butter in hair oil is not for me. I don't know if it's the fine hair or what but my hair was just consistently fluffy for about a month, see Fluffy hair post

So I decided to take the plunge and add Rosewood to my hair oil mix. It effects my hair in a protein/ACV way so strongly that I was a little scared that it would be too much to include it in the oil - even though I included just 1 drop.

That 1 drop saved me. I could put my flexi rods in and have shiny defined curls even with my tiny tightly curled routes fighting for attention.

My relaxer is on Thursday (9 week stretch) I've been living in one lobster clasp at the back with curls exploding from the top and the front. It's working for me even if it is a little 90's. I'm turning 30 in a very short period of time so it's safe to say it will be difficult to age me from all sides anyway- heeeeyyyyy.

Hair oil mix below - if you try it let me know how it goes. I think the Avocado is helping me as well because I can put this mix straight in my damp hair and it just helps so much with the detangling.

• 15g Mango Butter
• 45g Coconut Oil
• 12ml Olive Oil
• 7ml Jojoba
• 5ml Vitamin E
• 1ml Avocado oil
• Essiantial oils -
• 1 x Rosewood
• 3 x Rosemary
• 2 x Calendula
• 3 x Lavender
• 1 x Frankincense

Holistic living

Wow. How many times do I have to learn? Forever I think is the right number.

I know that when your mind is right your life is right. I know that the key to everything, the beginning of everything is mindset, mindfulness, mind body and spirit.

I know this. Not just because I have read it, but because I have lived it. When I am aligned, there is no feeling like it, it feels like as if people are purposefully going out of their way to please me. Like I am the luckiest person in the world. I'm not messing around, that is what it feels like, I feel light and golden, and full and flowing. The words just aren't good enough.

Unfortunately, when I'm not aligned, when I haven't done the necessary, which most feel is the nice to have, I am so out of whack. I ache, I'm confused, I don't get enough sleep or good quality sleep, I'm unnecessarily bitchy, I itch, I literally itch when I'm tired or irritated, always have.

Knowing what I know, how do I forget this? Because it's easy to, most of the people in the world, the country, the city, don't live like that. I am the weird one for living like I do, for thinking like I do, I am unusual - but I'm not alone. I'm not the only one who understands the benefits and necessity of living holistically, but finding those people isn't as easy as it sounds. This work, is hard to do on it's own, and you want help and you want support but you know want - you can't have someone wake up with you every day and force you to meditate and do yoga, you have to do it off of your own back.

You have to rewire your brain that is lazy and likes the patterns that it has set over years, and that is exactly the same as everyone else's. you have to change the programming yourself to get the different results. It is not easy but it's worth it, you can't fight for it either though - what I think it's about is surrendering to that truth, relaxing into a different way of living. It's not laziness, but it is letting go. It's not non activity - it's about directed and productive activity. Even play time is productive, you need to play in order to help reset your brain and release some good chemical's it's all about balance and harmony, and whatever that means to you is what it means to you. No one else is living your life for you, they can't tell you what good should look like.

I spoke to my friend in Australia today, I had presumed it would be a 1 hour video call. 3 and a bit hours later... Thank you honey, I missed you. It was good to talk and just be entirely honest about what's whirling around my mind with someone knowing that even though you don't agree on everything, she understands the position I am coming from and will just let me speak and vice versa.

Same goes with this open journal you lovely people are reading. I started this because I didn't feel like I could speak openly about what was in my mind. And funnily enough, things have been harder than usual recently because I haven't been writing on here, I didn't get things off of my mind.

I have been writing, been preparing my blogs for Gem Stone Love, which is launching on 17th July. Time has not been wasted, but I haven't been as balanced as I know I could have been.

Thank you friends beyond the binary.

Neem oil and eczema

So I have eczema, and for the last 2 years or so I've been working my way through how to heal it naturally. I had some other dermatitis infection on my ankles as well, went to the doctor and true to form they said just use Hydrocortisone cream but I have to use it for the full 7 days.

I've never used it for the full 7 days because after day 2 it starts to burn, I could feel the sting was not a 'healing stinging sensation' but a chemical burning sensation. But I was really bothered by all the fuss down by my ankles so I said fine I'll just stick it out and use it for the full time. I got to 5 days and my skin was officially burnt. It looked horrible like I survived a fire.

I had no idea how to deal with this and my instant reaction was to scrub it away, which of course then set off a chain reaction of displaying bare sensitive skin, which still itched, and I scratched, which caused a further infection and spread.

I am not comfortable sharing this information. I'm not a child, I know I should know better. But I panicked and was, if I'm honest more concerned about how it looked rather than how to heal it. Which meant I treated it enough to not look messed up if I was going out, but didn't focus on the healing it for good so that it doesn't permanently scar my skin. This society and the need to look good will mess up your priorities like no ones business.

My ankle status at the moment is mostly hyperpigmentation which is fine. One patch of wet eczema with two smaller patches on both ankles. One patch of dry eczema on the other ankle which is so close to healed but likes to remind me it's there every now and again. I am healing the wet eczema with neem oil after multiple attempts and impatience at everything else. I got so frustrated and was researching online about what to buy to fix it already! And then I just heard the little more calmer me say "you already have everything you need" and then I remembered Neem. Neem oil is what I put into my water mix creams to ward off bacteria, and I only use the smallest amount because that stuff is strong and smells wicked (the original meaning of the word, not the cool version).

So I mixed up some neem with Jojoba and resisted the temptation to top it up with an essential oil. And you know what, it's only been a couple of days but I can really see/feel that it's doing the deep healing work. Yes my ankle looks like a right state, and I will be hiding it away other than when I'm indoors, but I swear I'm looking at it now and I know it's doing the work that needs to be done. It will take time and there will be hyperpigmentation, but I've already got my hyperpigmentation oil worked out which is as we speak happily and healthily getting rid of my older scars.

I don't think I ever really took eczema seriously, I only developed it about 6 years ago when I was going through a ridiculously stressful time at my old job (it was just one of other stress induced conditions). My niece has eczema quite thoroughly and has done since birth, her mum has done all the research about the foods to cut out and what causes it, I just never did that. Whilst it was brought on by stress, I am a person with allergies and probably should have just acknowledged it for what it was sooner rather than just pretending it will go away and never come back. This like with everything else, I need to find a balance with.

Wish I had just put my health before my looks sooner. Check out http://www.flawlessprogram.com/how-to-get-rid-of-weeping-eczema/ was really helpful to me.

Fluffy hair

As with all knowings in life, your hair will whisper to you, then it will nudge you, then it will hold you by the face and shout at you.

So I've been busy, thus the radio silence, I really hadn't realised it had been so long since I'd written.

I haven't worn my hair straight down since maybe November time, due to our delightfully ever-changing weather, it's just 2 flat twists, and undo it and put a grip in it in the morning. I'm 7 weeks post now so it is more like 3 big canerows and undo it with a grip in the morning.

But the fluffiness! In my busy-ness I just couldn't get why even though my hair was well moisturised and oiled, it still came out fluffy in the morning making the curls look very undefined and undignified too while I'm at it. I know how I wish to present myself and quite frankly I left the flat looking frazzled in the morning.

So you know, if you've done moisture and there's no change then do protein - I did protein spray's and... nothing, or very little movement. It took maybe 2 weeks for me to realise I hadn't done a deep protein treatment - which with the Jason thin to thick on my hair is about 10 minutes MAXIMUM.

So I mixed it in with my Jason Aloe Vera conditioner in my co-wash this week after netball, and that really did the trick. But why did it take me so long to realise what was up with my hair?

Because I was busy, and getting lost in busy-ness not to be confused with business. When I stray from my routine, when I get wrapped up in social media and news because of the election. My mind loses it's usual ability to process the simple things.

The routine that I have that works isn't even that hardcore regimented, there's lots of room for flexibility but as with all aspects of life, you have to acknowledge the addictions you have and how much control they have over you, even down to the basic things like taking care of your hair. It may not seem like a straight swap "If I watch another hour of tv I won't do my hair tonight" but seriously I know this and I'm re-teaching myself everyday. Too much of some of the unnecessary stuff just teaches your mind how to not think. Eventually you just won't think about you at all.